I am a fan of confusing the Boot's photographic processing machine
operators. Here is my top however may I can think of...
1) Get them to process one of the C-41 B+W films, they think there
machine has broken.
2) Give them a reel of 120 2"1/4 * 2"1/4 format film, and ask them to
3) Put weird coloured filters on the first 2 shots on the film.
4) Ask them to push or pull the film a stop or two.
5) Convince them to put a slide film through the C41 processor, and then
demand they get the skin colours and grass colours to exactly match.
6) Same with colour inferred.
7) Taking photos that are mostly black, they will ether;
i. Not print it at all
ii. Try and lighten it up until it all looks that horrible colour
iii. Not be able to find the edge of the photo, and so get half of
one and half of the other.
8) Tell them that you don't want there stupid machine trying to correct
you technically perfect photos, because it will get it wrong where as
you took ages per photo too get the exposure spot on, and how you have
read both the Negative and the Positive by Ansil Adams. To which they
will look extremely blank, and put the machine of autopilot anyway.
I also like going into Computer shops, and listening to the rubbish they
So I my usual ploy is to let them think I know nothing, then after a
while ask some questions. One of my friends from Uni worked in the
technical support section of PC world, there was this chap in sales that
keped on pestering him at home. Hence he wanted some revenge, this is
roughly what I had to do. Go in there when this chap was working, and
say I wanted to buy a computer, and listen to the normal sails blurb,
then ask my normal questions to find out weather the place new its
stuff. i.e. what mode is the hard disk, what is the seek time of the
disk, what is the bus speed, what the memory access time is, what the
internal and external cache sizes are. I was then to correct him, and
demand to see his supervisor, and tell said supervisor that the person
was a complete waist of space, and that he could not expect the contract
for 50 computers that I was going to place with the company.
This however was never put into place because said pest went to a party
at my friends house, he got amazingly drunk, stopped the night, but
first was a trip down to the all night fried chicken place. He ordered
his chicken, wasn't very nice to the owner in the process, thought he
had pulled with this girl out-side (he hadn't, she had just said hello),
went off and left his keys. We then thought we would take the keys back
to the house, and told the owner so, we then had an idea, explained the
situation to the chap, he was to deny seeing the keys whist we in
reality took them back home. So the chap gets back 20 mounts later
after being told to ****-off and tryed to get his sleeping bag out of
his car, only thing no keys. He searches the house, we then send him
back down too look for his keys. An hour and a half later he arrives
back and crashes on the sofa. Next morning, I am not that bad for ware,
but he is so on goes the TV loud, at 7 in the morning. 11'oclock he has
another look for his keys, and then catches the bus home to get his
spare set. He arrives back at about one, we give him his keys back, and
tell him we had them all along. He never came round again :-)
Yellow '79 spit wired by a trained marmot