Not from me, mind you, but from someone else. About 35 years ago, just
learning to play a 12-string guitar, I bought a country blues record by
a fellow named Dave "Snaker" Ray (some more musically erudite members
will remember records by Glover, Ray and Koerner--same Ray). And, I wore
it out listening to it over the years.
These days, Dave plays clubs around the Minnesota area, and, having
discovered the internet, has his own page, which I frequent (just to see
if "Fine Soft Land" is in CD yet). On that page, Dave offers various
"rants" of his, the subjects of which range from political correctness
vs. old, old song lyrics, battery-powered parking meters in the St. Paul
area, and, since he visits lots of local Minnesota clubs by car, on
driving. Thought some of you might enjoy his driving "rant." Any Dave
Ray fans not aware of his site, it's at:
http://www.jdray.com
===================================================================================
A FEW DRIVING TIPS
Most drivers, and it seems, especially men, hate to be given advice,
admonishment or even praise about their activities behind the wheel.
They would prefer to be left alone in their own world of driving, a
world which ordinarily pivots around them and in which they never commit
an error and the other driver is always wrong, pig-headed and should be
deprived of his or her license.
Knowing this, I offer the following advice to the driver of the
late-model GM sedan, license number 75_ MWX, with whom I had the dubious
pleasure of sharing Highway 52 northbound near Zumbrota at around
10:20pm on 14-Dec-98, in the spirit of the season: open, humanistic,
affirming and sharing.
Sir: I don’t know how old you are, but the lady riding shotgun in your
car had to be at least sixty-five. If you are her contemporary, or
older, perhaps you haven’t kept up with life in the fast lane. Or, maybe
you are younger and, as so often happens these days, you were unable to
profit from learned adult tutelage during your early days behind the
wheel. I’m old enough to be set in my ways, especially concerning
driving, but I have made at least a nodding concession to the new way of
motoring since four-lane highways have become popular. Please let me
share a few of my observations on what constitutes polite driving these
days:
Try to stay at least five or six feet behind the bumper of the car in
front of you.
Especially when you and the other car are the only two vehicles for
five-hundred miles around.
Try to dim your lights (make sure that little red or blue indicator in
the dash panel is OFF) when you attempt to hook your front bumper on the
trunk emblem of the car in front of you.
When you decide to pass another vehicle, go ahead and do it. Hanging out
for miles on end at the left rear quarter of the car you’re passing is
considered bad form, especially when your high beams are melting the
glass in both his rearview mirrors.
When you decide to pass another vehicle (and this is a corollary to the
above suggestion) try to go a little faster than the vehicle you’re
passing. Going by the other driver then hanging out on his left front
quarter panel, or, worse yet, pulling into his lane about three inches
ahead of him and slowing down twenty miles an hour, is considered REALLY
bad form.
Review your owner’s manual for tips on using the cruise control feature
that’s included on most late-model autos. Judicious use of this device
will help you avoid the embarrassment of being passed by the guy you
just passed due to your failure to maintain a constant rate of advance
down the motorway.
If you choose to ignore this advice (and the sundry other suggestions
hailing down on you in numbing quantity from everyone unfortunate enough
to share your vehicle while you’re driving) then at least accept this
final suggestion: put a bag over your license plate before you leave
your driveway in case the next guy you infuriate decides to plunk down
his five bucks at the DMV, get your home address and blow both your
goddammed cheeks off so you’ll never be able to sit behind the wheel
again.
===================================================================================
--
Michael D. Porter
Roswell, NM
[mailto: mporter@zianet.com]
`70 GT6+ (being refurbished, slowly)
`71 GT6 Mk. III (organ donor)
`72 GT6 Mk. III (daily driver)
`64 TR4 (awaiting intensive care)
`80 TR7 (3.8 liter Buick-powered)
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