Subject: [Healeys] Lucas Electrics

From: [email-masked]
Date: Sun, 6 Jan 2013 20:19:34 -0500 (EST)

Positive ground (they meant "earth")  depends on proper circuit 
functioning, which is the transmission of negative  ions by retention of the visible 
spectral manifestation known as  smoke.

Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know  this to be 
true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical  circuit, 
it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical  testing.

For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of  a battery, 
prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly  
ceases to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an  
electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed  
that the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and  
inescapable!

The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke  from one device 
to another. 

When the wiring springs a leak and lets all  the smoke out of the system, 
nothing works afterward.

Starter motors were  considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some 
time largely because they  consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring 
very unsightly large  wires.

It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly  more 
prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American  
counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and all  things 
British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock absorbers,  hydraulic 
forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tires leak air and  
British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.

Therefore, it  follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke. 
Once again, the logic  is clear and inescapable.

In conclusion, the basic concept of  transmission of electrical energy in 
the form of smoke provides a logical  explanation of the mysteries of 
electrical components especially British units  manufactured by Joseph Lucas, Ltd.

And remember: A gentleman does not  motor about after dark. 

Joseph Lucas - The Prince of Darkness 

A  few Lucas quips:

The Lucas motto: Get home before dark. 

Lucas is  the patent holder for the short circuit.
Lucas - Inventor of the first  intermittent wiper.
Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The  three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three 
switch  settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The Original Anti-Theft Device -  Lucas Electrics.

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.  

Back in the '70s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began  
manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did  
not suck.

Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? 
A: Because Lucas  makes their refrigerators.
_______________________________________________
Archive: http://www.team.net/archive

[email-masked]
http://autox.team.net/mailman/listinfo/healeys