Subject: [Healeys] Fwd: more Lucas humor -//Healey// More exstensiveTheory of Electricity.//smoke

From: [email-masked]
Date: Sun, 1 Sep 2013 15:03:00 -0400 (EDT)

Hi Gary: I sent this to the list several days ago and didn't get listed and no
reply or denial.
Just some humor for those with electrical problems with Healeys, Sprites,
Triumphs any British Vehicle.
Cheers Howard

Subject: FW: Lucas -//Healey//More extensive Theory of Electricity.

I think any car or motorcycle guy who perhaps once upon a time owned one made
in England/Britain, will appreciate this cleverly written piece and youbll
laugh to.

Let's not bash the revised venerable British institution of the Irish law
originated by Murphy !!!!!

Subject: Fw: Lucas -Theory of Electricity.

ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS:

Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the
transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral
manifestation known as bsmokeb.
Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this to be
true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit, it
stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.
For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery,
prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to
function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an electrical
component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed that the
component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and inescapable!

The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device to
another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the
system, nothing works afterward.
Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some
time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring very
unsightly large wires.
It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more prone
to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American counterparts.

Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and all things
British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock absorbers, hydraulic
forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tires leak air and British
Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.

Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke. Once
again, the logic is clear and inescapable.

In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in the
form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of electrical
components especially British units manufactured by Joseph Lucas, Ltd..

And remember: bA gentleman does not motor about after dark.b

Joseph Lucas bThe Prince of Darknessb
1842-1903

A few Lucas quips:
The Lucas motto: bGet home before dark.b
Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch
settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start
Back in the b70s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began
manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did
not suck.
Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their
refrigerators.
This has been referred to as the smoke theory when the smoke comes out its
finished, cooked or done for.

Have a Great Labor Day and give thanks for your freedom
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