Lucas

[PlaneZany at aol.com]

    *   The Lucas motto: "Get home  before dark."  
    *   Lucas denies having invented  darkness. But they still claim "sudden, 
unexpected darkness"   
    *   Lucas--inventor of the first  intermittent wiper.  
    *   Lucas--inventor of the  self-dimming headlamp.  
    *   The three-position Lucas  switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF.  
    *   The other three switch  settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.  
    *   Lucas dip-switch positions:  LOW and BLOW 
(Bruce Miller, www.hermit.cc)  
    *   The original anti-theft  devices--Lucas Electric products.  
    *   "I've had a Lucas pacemaker  for years and have never experienced any 
prob...  
    *   If Lucas made guns, wars would  not start either.  
    *   Did you hear about the Lucas  powered torpedo? It sank.  
    *   It's not true that Lucas, in  1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal 
Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts  when they met too much resistance.  
    *   Did you hear the one about the  guy that peeked into a Land Rover and 
asked the owner "How can you tell one  switch from another at night, since 
they all look the same?" "He replied, it  doesn't matter which one you use, 
nothing happens!"  
    *   Back in the '70s Lucas decided  to diversify its product line and 
began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was  the only product they offered which 
didn't suck.  
    *   Quality Assurance phoned and  advised the Lucas engineering guy that 
they had trouble with his design  shorting out. So he made the wires longer.  
    *   Why do the English drink warm  beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, 
too.  
    *   Alexander Graham Bell invented  the Telephone. 
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. 
Joseph Lucas  invented the Short Circuit.  
    *   Recommended procedure before  taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: 
check the position of the stars, kill a  chicken and walk three times sunwise 
around your car chanting: "Oh mighty  Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy 
servant."  
    *   Lucas systems actually uses AC  current; it just has a random 
frequency.  
    *   How to make AIDS disappear?  Give it a Lucas parts number.  
    *   Recently, Lucas won out over  Bosch to supply the electrical for the 
new Volkswagens. So, now the cars from  the Black Forest will come with 
electrics  supplied by the Lord of Darkness -- how appropriate!  
    *   Lucas is an acronym for Loose  Unsoldered Connections and Splices.  
    *   The Prince's last words to his  son: "don't go riding after dark" 
(via Bernie Allan, BritIron Newsgroup)   
    *   Lucas jokes: black humor.  




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