[Shotimes] OT- John Kerry's job application

[Bruce Malachuk]

Someone on the left side of things sent me one about bush, I jsut found this
one and thought it was pretty good. Figured I'd share.
 
JOB APPLICATION 
NAME: John Kerry  
RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including Washington, DC, worth multimillions. 

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE: 
Law Enforcement. I voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA and defense bill
in my career as a US Senator. I ordered Boston to remove a fire hydrant
which I considered unsightly, in front of my mansion, hereby endangering my
neighbors in the event of fire. 

MILITARY: 
I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military and
service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor). I then returned
to the US, joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning
Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby killers. I
threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I? My book;
Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier shows how I truly feel
about the military. I deplore the military! 

COLLEGE: 
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my counterpart
George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard
nor graduate with an M.B.A 

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: 
I ran for U.S. Congress and have been there ever since. I have no real world
experience except that of a gigolo, by marrying rich women and running HJ
Heinz vicariously through my wife Teresa.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS: 
As a US Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record,
exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed
to support our military and CIA by voting against budgets, thus gutting our
country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I
am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it. I voted for every
liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I
intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected. My wealth so far
exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up. I
make no or little charitable contributions and have never agreed to pay any
voluntary excess taxes in MA, despite family wealth in excess of $700
million. 
I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in places
like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost
of labor in those Countries, although blame George Bush for sending all of
the jobs out of Country. Although I claim to be in favor of alternative
energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and
Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on
our yachts. 

RECORDS AND REFERENCES: 
None. 

PERSONAL 

I ride a Serotta Bike. 
My Gulfstream V Jet I call The Flying Squirrel. 
I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche." 
I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture. 
I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer
mansion, though I am against large polluting inefficient vehicles and blame
George Bush for the energy problems. 

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004. 
 
Bruce J Malachuk

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