[Shotimes] (OT) Don't Ask How I know. . .

[Ron Porter]

>From the 911 list. When you laugh, you KNOW that any of us could have done
this!!

Ron Porter

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Disclaimer: If I can't share the dumb things I do with you guys, who can I?
Disclaimer 2: No 911's were permenantly hurt in the Incident.

It was -5 f outside last night. The garbage needed to be taken out this AM.
For now Brown Car lives outside next to the garage. And considering how
crabber the mother's of elementary age children become this time of year all
requests are honored without evalutation.

By 8am it was 0 f per the Guy Bathroom's radio shack indoor/outdoor
thermometer. I took a long hot shower in the Guy Bathroom to warm up. Once
out Mrs. KRK Salem asks me to take out the kitchen garbage before the dog
finds it then she leaves it outside my bathroom. 

Quick dry-off put on the fluffy robe. Grap the garbage and as a side thought
get the 911 keys to check on it after a long, cold night without a driver's
window. (Que ominous foreshadowing music)

Though cold outside it's not too bad just in the robe and the garbage goes
right in. Unlock with windowless 911 and wonder why I locked it anyway.
Squeeze into the seat, close the door, ignition key turns, engine turns
over, test clutch and brake pedals. 

So what do you think happened? Well warm, still damp feet on very cold steel
pedals bond to the flesh when the peddals don't have rubber covers. Maybe
that should have been obvious. My bad, but not to worry, my body generates
more heat than the peddal faces can store over time. No big deal I'll just
wait a few minutes and shiver. With steam rising through the the robe, bare
legs and wet hair. No big deal in a few minutes I'll be inside and warm.

So then my feet come loose! Take the key out of the ignition, won't come
out. And there's ice on the widowless door frame from the steam. Yep the
door is frozen closed. 

You guys just don't want to know the rest. Let's just say it involves my
neighbor the Teamster, some nudity, and a garment thawing.

Thank for reading,
e