Hi
Thought you all might enjoy this
Oil change...
Women:
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube at 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.
Men:
1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back to
O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 13mm box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in the process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips head screwdriver and twist it
off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car, dump in
hole in back yard.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during steps 11 and 15.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11 and buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to
gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. Pan is empty - hurry to find
drain plug in back yard hole.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug as last drop of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on bumper in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
(1992)in the left boob.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
step 26
40. Drive car 1/2 quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be time for another
oil change.
Dan Wright
Dept. of Human Genetics, University of Utah
dan@saltflats.com
Utah Salt Flats Racing Association
"It's amazing what you can do when you don't know it can't be done"
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