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Tools... No LSR

To: <land-speed@autox.team.net>
Subject: Tools... No LSR
From: "Keith Turk" <kturk@ala.net>
Date: Fri, 23 Mar 2001 05:57:37 -0600
This was posted on my Healey list....I have seen a couple of these folks
handy work....I understand how they could feel this way....K

-------------------------
Why does all this sound true to me ?

>
> THE MODERN TOOLBOX
>
> Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain
> on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on
> oneself.
>
> Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you
> call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage
> you did while trying to change out a light socket with your
> handy screwdriver.
>
> Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the
> damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.
>
> Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary
> few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind
> the new wall it took you two weeks to install.
>
> Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and
> dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on
> a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.
>
> Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes
> off when you point it at yourself.
>
> Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard
> with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to
> cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that
> you need to use a flashlight anyway.
>
> Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of
> electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.
>
> Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.
>
> Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to
> harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging
> complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old
> paint off the side of the house.
>
> Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that
> you accidentally built completely around yourself.
>
> Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique
> the job you're doing or offer advice.

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