The witty and talented Will Zehring asked:
> Denise, and fellow fiends?
>
> If I buy an MG 1100 (and if I join SPAM)...
>
> -will my acne clear up?
Yes! Acne is caused and/or aggravated by driving with the top down. If
you drove to work with the top down today, scratch the back of your neck
and see how much black grit is under your fingernails. I once read a
horrendous statistic about how many millions of tons of tire rubber dust
go into the air every year and you're driving with your face sticking out
right behind people kicking up the stuff. Since an MG 1100 is a sedan,
all you have to worry about is the CO. If you look at the people driving
with the top down, you'll notice it also causes baldness.
BTW, the only more disgusting statistic I've heard is how many thousands
of tons of lipstick are consumed (i.e., swallowed) every year.
> -will I get a raise and an office with a window?
No. Only a reciprocating saw can get you an office with a window.
> -will I be able to ballroom dance with the pros?
Only if you take lessons for years and years, but the 1100 can get you to
the lessons.
> -will my neighbors stop snickering when I'm working on the car?
No, that will increase.
> -will my driveway acquire another oil spot collection (that's easy!)?
Of course! But the spots will be crosswise.
> -will I have finally discovered genuine motoring pleasure?
Yes! You'll discover the joy of driving a car with self-leveling fluid
suspension. This is the thing that's made the Mini such a popular rally
and autocross car. Also like a Mini, the car is bigger on the inside
than the outside.
> -will I be able to use the news letter to wrap fish?
Only if you send me your address so I can send you one.
> -will I be able to out pace a Camaro on entrance ramps?
Well...I'm told that a B 1800 engine will bolt right up to the tranny.
All you have to do is cut out the fenders and find someplace else for
the battery and the radiator. And you'd probably need to sand cast a
bigger clutch cover. But then you could blow the doors off all those
4 cylinder Camaros.
> If the answer to *any* two of the above questions is "YES!" then I can tell
> you right now that I have $200 burning a hole in my pocket.
They frequently go for less. Better start looking now before they're all
gone.
BTW, anyone who wants to see what an 1100 looks like should rent the John
Cleese movie, "Clockwise," but I think it's a Morris 1100. Picture it with
an MG grill as tall but wider than a TF's and a wood dash and you'll have
the idea. I'm told that Basil Fawlty (John Cleese again) drove an MG 1100
and it's in a couple of the episodes.
Denise Thorpe
thorpe@kegs.saic.com
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