Just thought that many of you would like this.
Common Sense 10,000BC - 2000AD
Three yards of black fabric enshroud my computer terminal. I am mourning the
passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense. His obituary reads as
follows:
Common Sense, a.k.a. C.S., lived a long life but died from heart failure at
the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was, his birth
records were long ago entangled in miles and miles of bureaucratic red tape.
Known affectionately to close friends as Horse Sense and Sound Thinking, he
selflessly devoted himself to a life of service in homes, schools, hospitals
and offices, helping folks get jobs done without a lot of fanfare, whooping
and hollering. Rules, regulations, and petty, frivolous lawsuits held no
power over C.S. A most reliable sage, he was credited with cultivating the
ability to know when to come in out of the rain, the discovery that the early
bird gets the worm and how to take the bitter with the sweet. C.S. also
developed sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable
parenting strategies (the adult is in charge, not the kid) and prudent
dietary plans (offset eggs and bacon with a little fiber and orange juice).
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, the
Technological Revolution and the Smoking Crusades, C.S. survived Sundry
cultural and educational trends including disco, the men's movement, body
piercing, whole language and new math.
C.S.'s health began declining in the late 1960s when he became infected with
the If-It-Feels-Good, Do-It virus. In the following decades his waning
strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal and state
rules and regulations and an oppressive tax code. C.S. was sapped of
strength and the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband,
criminals received better treatment than victims and judges stuck their noses
in everything from Boy Scouts to professional baseball and golf.
His deterioration accelerated as schools implemented zero-tolerance
policies. Reports of 6-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for
kissing classmates, a teen suspended for taking a swig of Scope mouthwash
after lunch, girls suspended for possessing Midol and an honor student
expelled for having a table knife in her school lunch were more than his
heart could endure.
As the end neared, doctors say C.S. drifted in and out of logic but was kept
informed of developments regarding regulations of low-flow toilets, mandatory
air bags and a government plan to ban inhalers from 14 million asthmatics due
to a trace of a pollutant that may be harmful to the environment.
Finally, upon word that a North Carolina town council was attempting to
restrict front porch furniture to lawn chairs and settees that are
aesthetically attractive, C.S. breathed his last.
Services will be at Whispering Pines Cemetery. C.S. was preceded in death
by his wife, Discretion; one daughter, Responsibility; and one son, Reason.
He is survived by two stepbrothers, Half-wit and Dimwit. Memorial
contributions may be sent to the Institute for Rational Thought.
Farewell, Common Sense. May you rest in peace. Hopefully, in a casket the
state of North Carolina deems aesthetically attractive."
The article forgot to mention that a step-son, Morality, also pre-deceased
CS as a result of wounds inflicted by Hollywood and modern arts (literature
and lyrics).
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