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Re: In-flight humor (No LBC)

To: "spridgets list" <spridgets@autox.team.net>
Subject: Re: In-flight humor (No LBC)
Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2000 09:40:27 -0500charset="iso-8859-1"
More jokes forwarded to me.  Let me know if you want me to stop forwarding
them to the List.

Bob

>>>  'Bob Dickson' <bd82431@juno.com>, 'Donna - home' <dkdd913@hotmail.com>,
>>>  'Donna - home 2' <dkdd@excite.com>
>>>  Subject: In-flight humor
>>>  Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2000 09:17:38 -0500

>>>  > >
>>>  > >1. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "There may be
>>>  > >50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways
>>>  out
>>>  > >of this airplane..."
>>>  > >
>>>  > >2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude
>>>  > >now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel
>>>
>>>  > >free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside
>>>  the
>>>  > >plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you
>>>  > >walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
>>>  > >
>>>  > >3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business
>>>  > >Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as
>>>  much
>>>  > >as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
>>>  > >
>>>  > >4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
>>>  > >Washington National, a lone voice comes over the
>>>  > >loudspeaker:"Whoa, big fella. WHOA"
>>>  > >
>>>  > >5. After a particularly rough landing during
>>>  thunderstorms
>>>  > >in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight
>>>  > >announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead
>>>  > >compartments because, after a landing like that, we are
>>>  sure as
>>>  > >hell that everything shifted."
>>>  > >
>>>  > >6. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome
>>>  > >aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your
>>>  > >seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull
>>>  > >tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you
>>>
>>>  > >don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be
>>>  out
>>>  > >in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of
>>>  > >cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the
>>>  ceiling.
>>>  > >Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
>>>  face.
>>>  > >If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your
>>>
>>>  > >mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling
>>>  > >with two small children, decide now which one you love
>>>  more."
>>>  > >
>>>  > >7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some
>>>  broken
>>>  > >clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we
>>>  > >arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your
>>>
>>>  > >money, more than Southwest Airlines."
>>>  > >
>>>  > >8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in
>>>  the
>>>  > >event of an emergency water landing, please take them
>>>  with
>>>  > >our compliments."
>>>  > >
>>>  > >9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all
>>>  of
>>>  > >your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed
>>>
>>>  > >evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave
>>>  > >children or spouses."
>>>  > >
>>>  > >10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."
>>>  > >
>>>  > >11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are
>>>  > >pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the
>>>
>>>  > >industry...Unfortunately none of them are on this
>>>  flight..."
>>>  > >
>>>  > >12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into
>>>  Amarillo,
>>>  > >Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the
>>>  > >final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it
>>>
>>>  > >After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant
>>>  came
>>>  > >on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome
>>>  to
>>>  > >Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
>>>
>>>  > >fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our
>>>  airplane
>>>  > >to the gate."
>>>  > >
>>>  > >13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than
>>>  > >perfect landing: We ask you to please remain seated as
>>>  > >Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
>>>  > >
>>>  > >14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight
>>>  he
>>>  > >had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The
>>>  > >airline had a policy which required the first officer to
>>>  > >stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and
>>>
>>>  > >give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that
>>>  in
>>>  > >light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
>>>  > >passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a
>>>
>>>  > >smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except
>>>  for
>>>  > >this little old lady walking with a cane.
>>>  > >
>>>  > >She said, "Sonny, mind if I as you a question?"
>>>  > >"Why no, Mam," said the pilot,"what is it?"
>>>  > >The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot
>>>  down?"
>>>  > >
>>>  > >15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the
>>>  > >Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
>>>  > >please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the
>>>  > >Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up
>>>  > >against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared
>>>  and
>>>  > >the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and
>>>  you
>>>  > >can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
>>>  > >
>>>  > >16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement:
>>>  > >"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.
>>>  And,
>>>  > >the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting
>>>  > >through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
>>>  > >you'll think of us here at US Airways."
>>>  > >
>>>  > >



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