Hope you guys don't mind another off-topic post.... but, since it's winter
and the list isn't too busy------- Since many of us are dieting......
COMMON DIET & EXERCISE MISCONCEPTIONS:
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer - that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable slop.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we
all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three
categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and
wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements,
so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a
beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain -
Good.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In
fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
for you?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Q. Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best
feel-good food around!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets. Have a cookie... flour is a veggie!
"When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and salt."
-Nory
NORYS LAWS:
1. Just because you have found the problem, doesn't mean you've found the
ONLY problem.
2. Just because it's new doesn't mean it works right.
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