George,
You have violated more than one of the first rules governing happy
living on the East Coast, or Canada. My grandparents came from Winnipeg
in the mid '20's, my father from Chcago, and my wife from New York, so I
recognize the symptoms.
Here are the RULES:
1) Thou shalt not go more than 50 miles from your birthplace, or you may
find something interesting.
2) Thou shalt not go to the West Coast or your soul will be corrupted by
sinful desires, like sunshine, happiness, casual living, and all sorts
of corruption like that.
3) Thou shalt not gaze upon the uncovered body of a foreign import, or
go within 10 miles of a so-called "sporting vehicle" or your soul is
doomed to lustul cravings.
There are about 7 more, as I recall, and you've probably skirted close
to most of them. Did I mention the one about topless beaches?
Your situation is not entirely beyond redemption. First you must confess
all your sins to your local Tiger chapter (I know they are there in
Canada, probably on the list, and willing to accept another member of
Tigers Wannabee Anonymous). A plea for local support will get you in
contact with a true a member of the faith. After sufficient flagellation
you will either die or buy a Tiger. These are your only alternatives
short of a sex change (not recommended).
After you've satisfied your Tiger cravings, your only remaining problems
will occur during the 9 month Canadian winter (11.5 months in Winnepeg).
How you solve THAT problem will be left to a later sermon.
Glad you had a good time, eh!
{8->
Steve
--
Steve Laifman < One first kiss, >
B9472289 < one first love, and >
< one first win, is all >
< you get in this life. >
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