The following is "borrowed" from a recent issue of a Vermont Auto Enthusiast
newsletter. I thought it was appropriate for anyone working on his/her own
car.
Mark L.
Mechanic's Tool Guide
Hammer Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used
as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we
are trying to hit.
Mechanic's Knife Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door, normally containing seat covers and
convertible tops.
Electric Drill Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes
until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes
in
trunk floors just above brake and gas lines.
Pliers Used to round off bolt heads.
Whitworth Sockets Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket
you've
been searching for the last 15 minutes.
Drill Press A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your
drink across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted car part
you were drying.
Wire Wheel Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls.
Hydraulic Floor Jack Used for lowering a car to the ground after you have
installed new front brakes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front
fender.
Eight-Foot Long Douglas Fir 4" x 4" Used for levering a car upward off a
hydraulic jack.
Tweezers A tool for removing Douglas Fir wood splinters.
Telephone A tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic
jack.
E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is
ten time harder than any known drill bit.
Two-ton Hydraulic Engine Hoist A tool for testing the tensile strength of
ground straps and brakes lines that you have forgotten to disconnect.
Battery Electrolyte Tester A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from
a car battery to the inside of your tool box after determining that your
battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
Trouble Light Sometimes called a drop light. It's main purpose is to
consume 40 watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells
are
used in battle. More often "dark" than "light", its name is somewhat
misleading.
Phillips Screwdriver Normally used to hollow out Phillips screw heads.
Air Compressor A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power
plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by
hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened
40 years ago by someone across the sea, & rounds them off.
Pry Bar A tool used to crumple and bend the metal surrounding the 50 cent
bracket that you were trying to replace.
Hose Cutter A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
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