Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"
***********************************************************
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my
intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause
I still have mine"
***********************************************************
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like
the looks of your wife at all,"
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good
with the kids."
***********************************************************
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been
living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that
were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
***********************************************************
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
***********************************************************
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
***********************************************************
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing
the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of
him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by
buying me a drink."
***********************************************************
Moe and Joe were talking one day
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
***********************************************************
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of
bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had
even
considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked.
"Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
***********************************************************
Always the best for last:-
Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn
by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did
that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole" afterwards."
|