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Re: Help w/naughty slang

To: Mark Jurras <>
Subject: Re: Help w/naughty slang
From: Geoff Love <>
Date: Wed, 04 Dec 1996 09:32:35 -0500
Mark Jurras wrote:
> > >- For any U.S.(or other non-Brit nationals) thinking of using this on a 
> > >to London,
> OK, a co-worker of mine is over in the UK at one of our plants till at
> least January. I have a limited knowledge of British Slang but I like
> to help him out. I have told him to tell the waitresses at the pubs that
> he "wants to get stuffed" when he orders food and if he gets stopped
> for a traffic violation to tell the constable that he is "pissed".
> What else can I give him so he gets his face slapped or his nose thumped. 
>(He's not that stupid but its fun to try)
> - -Mark

O.K., Jeremy, you deal with this one.  If I stick my suggestions in I'll
get banned from the list, but it could be a lot of fun.  I'll await your
suggestions with bated breath. But perhaps one quick(?) anecdote. 
Noting Mark's comments about constables and "pissed", reminded me of a
time long ago, of an old friend who had recently bought an MG Magnette,
but who, unfortunately, was also too heavily into drinking beer.  One
Sunday lunchtime, after his usual session at the local, he was driving
home along his normal route on road wet from a drizzle of rain, when,
upon rounding a left hand bend at perhaps a speed slightly higher than
was prudent, he encountered a radar operated speed trap.  Not wishing to
give the gentlemen in blue any more paper work than necessary, he
applied the brakes somewhat too heavily, causing the vehicle to spin
rather rapidly.  It performed two complete revolutions, before flying
off the wrong side of the road, rolling down a small decline, and coming
to rest upside down in a flurry of startled chicken feathers, all before
the gaze of the astonished constables.  They rushed over to the wreck,
and wrenched open the driver's door, and, in their normal caring manner,
asked him if he was drunk.  As he was lying upside down, with the
remains of his fag(English slang for a cigarette!) still sticking to his
lips, and being in a somewhat shaken state, he was caught unawares.  His
reply, to quote another old friend who was with him at the time,(no
names, no pack drill to quote another old English saying) was,  " 
AM??  A F*****G STUNT MAN?! 
Hey Ho.  Those were the days, or were they???  The Magnette was duly
repaired and survived another adventure at the hands of the same
individual, but more of that another day.  Never say pissed to a

Geoff Love, The English Connection.

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