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FW: star wars

To: "MGList (E-mail)" <>,
Subject: FW: star wars
From: Michael Graziano <>
Date: Thu, 13 May 1999 09:32:14 -0400
Not Bad....  redneck better than toys....

-----Original Message-----
From: Arthur H. Smith [] 
Sent: Thursday, May 13, 1999 9:09 AM
To: triumphs; SPITFIRES
Subject: star wars

with the new star wars about to open i thought i would pass this along.

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If....... 
You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all." 

Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.

 You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm
Strawberry Hill.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored. 

You have bantha horns on the front of your land speeder. 

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok. 

You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard. 

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters. 

Wookies are offended by your B.O. 

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't
have to wait for a commercial
You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the'll be a hoot." 

 You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock 
thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder. 

You think Han Solo would look better in a flannel cause he looks like 
a little sissy in that vest. 

You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts. 

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in 
through the window. 

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt 
 had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
You ever fell in love with your sister. 

 You have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader's evil empire as 
 "them damn Yankees." 

 You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca. 

 You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with red wood deck.

 You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during  the
cantina scene. 

 In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow "just ain't right." 

Or how about the toys?

    The Top 15 Rejected Star Wars Trilogy Marketing Tie-ins  
15> The "Princess LeiaMe" blow-up doll  
14> Chewbacca Chew'n T'bacca, from Skoal  
13> Princess Chia  
12> Lando Calrissian Cognac -- 40 Parsecs of smoooooth  
11> R2D2, C3PO & KY4U "Adult Action Figures"  
10> Han Solo Cups  
 9> "Do you know me?  Probably not, if I'm out of my Stormtrooper
     uniform.  That's why I carry American Express."  
 8> McDonald's Ewok Burger Happy Meal  
 7> Metamucil - "May the Force run through you!"  
 6> Darth Vader Ginsberg doll -- Black robe and goofy glasses sold 
 5> Tampex Tampons, now with starfighter X-wings and lightsabre
 4> Volkswagon's "Return of the Jetta"  
 3> "Ewok On A Stick" toilet brushes  
 2> Darth Vibrader  
   and the Number 1 Rejected Star Wars Trilogy Marketing Tie-in...  
 1> Barbie Wan Kenobie's Malibu Deathstar  

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