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disorder in the court

To: "Thickos" <team-thicko@autox.team.net>
Subject: disorder in the court
From: "Wm. Severin Thompson" <wsthompson@thicko.com>
Date: Mon, 27 Sep 1999 08:55:11 -0500
>From a little book called "Disorder in the Court."
They're things people actually said in court, word for word.

Q:  What is your date of birth?
A:  July fifteenth.
Q:  What year?
A:  Every year.

Q:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A:  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q:  This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?
A:  Yes.
Q:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A:  I forget.
Q:  You forget.  Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?

Q:  How old is your son -- the one living with you.
A:  Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q:  How long has he lived with you?
A:  Forty-five years.

Q:  What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
morning?
A:  He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q:  And why did that upset you?
A:  My name is Susan.

Q:  And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q:  And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q:  Sir, what is your IQ?
A:  Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q:  Did you blow your horn or anything?
A:  After the accident?
Q:  Before the accident.
A:  Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Q:  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or
occult?
A:  We both do.
Q:  Voodoo?
A:  We do.
Q:  You do?
A:  Yes, voodoo.

Q:  Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights
flashing?
A: Yes.
Q:  Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A:  Yes, sir.
Q:  What did she say?
A:  What disco am I at?

Q:  Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A:  I went to Europe, Sir.
Q:  And you took your new wife?

Q:  Can you describe the individual?
A:  He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q:  Was this a male, or a female?

Q:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q:  All your responses must be oral, OK?  What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A:  The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q:  And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A:  No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A:  No.
Q:  Did you check for blood pressure?
A:  No.
Q:  Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A:  No.
Q:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q:  But could the patient have still been alive?
A:  It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere.

Q:  You were not shot in the fracas?
A:  No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.







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