Simply PRICELESS.
-Arnold
"Gee, Brain. What are we going to do tonight?"
"Same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try and take over the world!"
>From: "Kelly, Katie" <kkelly@spss.com>
>To: <ba-autox@autox.team.net>
>Subject: DEAR SANTA TRANSCRIPTS
>Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2001 14:59:20 -0800
>
>This is kind of long, but almost entertaining. It's the complete Dear
>Santa Transcripts, edited somewhat for the sake of continuity and
>because there's even a punchline that makes it well worth the read, in
>my opinion.
>
>This is an actual dialogue that occurred almost one year ago between
>some really deranged people, all still on this list. Just remember, it's
>not just mindless banter. This story really starts cookin' (literally)
>when Hermie's Jailbird Half-Brother, Once Disowned steps in and really
>starts stirring the pot.
>
>It proves that autocrossing DOES keep you young. Especially when you're
>supposed to be WORKING.
>
>Katie K.
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Dennis & Sherry Armstrong [mailto:miata@pacbell.net]
>Sent: Tuesday, December 05, 2000 12:47 PM
>To: Bay_Area_Autocross_List
>Subject: Dear Santa
>
> Dear Santa
>I have been a good boy this year. I have been spending more
>time with my Family, I have been helping out my wife around
>the house. I have even gone the extra mile & helped out
>customers, & my co-workers. I even took a Vacation Day
>today to go to my Daughters School Play.
>
> All I want for Christmas is a set of Kumho Race Tires. Just
>put them under the Christmas Tree on Christmas morning.
>I would also like to get them Heat Cycled if possible, But I
>will take them any way possible. I would like to have them
>before next season so I can play autocross with my friends.
>
> I will leave milk and cookies for you by the fireplace, Or
>anything else you may like.
>
> Dennis Michael Armstrong
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Navid Kahangi [mailto:nkahangi@interwoven.com]
>Sent: Tuesday, December 05, 2000 2:10 PM
>To: Dennis & Sherry Armstrong; Bay_Area_Autocross_List
>Subject: RE: Dear Santa
>
>
>Dear Dennis,
>
>I am considering your request, but I'm wondering if you are making s
>mistake! All of your autocross friends are asking for Hoosiers this
>year.
>Some of them don't even play with their perfectly good Kumhos and BFGs
>that
>they got last year anymore.
>
>I have checked your record and you have indeed been a good boy. And to
>be
>honest, we have a lot of Kumhos here in stock at the North pole. But
>are
>you sure you don't want to go with some Hoosiers?
>
>--Santa
>Not sponsored by Hoosier
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Dennis & Sherry Armstrong [mailto:miata@pacbell.net]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 9:35 AM
>To: navid@interwoven.com; Bay_Area_Autocross_List
>Subject: Dear Santa (2)
>
> Dear Santa
>I was informed by Misses Claus That the additional cost of
>Hoosiers would put a shortage on Reindeer Feed. & have
> a large impact on Christmas for the Children.
>
> I know all my friends play on Hoosiers, But I think they
>would let me play with them on Kumhos. After all I don't
>need to win, Just play along. I will get in big trouble with
>my mom if I play to win & neglect my HOMEWORK!!!
>
> Dennis Michael Armstrong
>
>P.S. A renewal of North American Pylon
>would also be nice.
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Kelly, Katie [mailto:kkelly@spss.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 10:43 AM
>To: 'Dennis & Sherry Armstrong'; navid@interwoven.com;
>Bay_Area_Autocross_List
>Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>Dear Dennis,
>
>Contrary to popular myth, you don't need Hoosiers to win, especially on
>a
>Miata. Kumhos work just GREAT, and they'll last a lot longer, meaning
>more
>Reindeer Feed for you.
>
>I am a strong proponent of Reindeer Feed. I conduct Reindeer Feed
>testing
>down at the Lab. I was once a Feed Engineer, but I was promoted to Feed
>Lead
>about six months ago. It's a tough job, managing this crew of about
>eight.
>They're good on the inside, but a bit cliquish. It took a long time
>before
>they saw the light through the fog. But I stuck with it, followed my
>nose so
>to speak.
>
>I am very proud of our product, and I agree with you - tires should
>never
>interfere with Feed Consumption.
>
>Sincerely,
>Rudolph
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Jim Ochi [mailto:jochi@liquidaudio.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 11:19 AM
>To: Kelly, Katie; 'Dennis & Sherry Armstrong'; navid@interwoven.com;
>Bay_Area_Autocross_List
>Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>Dear Dennis,
>
>Go ahead and get the Hoosiers - the Reindeer Feed technicians down at
>the
>lab have consumed way too much during the off season. Just last week,
>during rooftop training exercises to prepare for the big day, both
>Donner
>and Blitzen managed to fall through the roof of the training hut. Due
>to
>this unfortunate mishap, Santa has instituted a strict diet and training
>
>regimen to be followed year-round. This regimen should save on our
>Reindeer Feed costs, and lower our health insurance premiums, thus
>freeing
>up funds for Hoosiers.
>
>That said, full-tread Kumhos seem to be most totally excellent for the
>more
>slippery locations, like GGF and Oakland, and for running in the
>rain. They also last much longer than the Hoosiers. And, you can drive
>on
>them to the events. Hoosiers appear to be faster on concrete and
>stickier
>surfaces, like 3com. At least, this has been our experience on our
>relatively heavy sleigh.
>
>Sincerely,
>Hermie the elf
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Kelly, Katie [mailto:kkelly@spss.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 11:28 AM
>To: 'Jim Ochi'; 'Dennis & Sherry Armstrong'; navid@interwoven.com;
>Bay_Area_Autocross_List
>Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>
>MEMO TOP SECRET MEMO TOP SECRET MEMO TOP SECRET MEMO TOP SECRET
>
>Dear Hermie the Elf,
>
>As you were made well aware at our last meeting, the Donner and Blitzen
>debacle was supposed to remain in confidentiality, as per orders from
>Santa.
>Look, we've got a big shipment coming up on the eve of the 24th. If
>people
>start finding out we're two reindeer short, they might get nervous, and
>they
>might start asking questions. None of this makes for good publicity,
>especially with this rash of startup .coms appearing everywhere you
>turn.
>With our rising costs of wrapping paper, ribbon, let alone Reindeer Feed
>production, we'll be lucky to break even this year.
>
>If you want to keep your job, you're going to stay tight lipped about
>this.
>As of now, Donner and Blitzen are FINE, and are merely taking a
>sabatical
>this year after all their years of fine service.
>
>Over and out,
>Rudolph
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Kevin Stevens [mailto:kevin_stevens@hotmail.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 11:55 AM
>To: kkelly@spss.com; jochi@liquidaudio.com; miata@pacbell.net;
>navid@interwoven.com; ba-autox@autox.team.net
>Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>
>I heard they were in training at a greyhound track in Florida,
>alternating
>as "bunny" for each race...
>
>KeS
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Anthony Tabacco [mailto:atabacco@california.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 12:55 PM
>To: Kelly, Katie
>Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
>Subject: Re: Dear Santa (2)
>
>
>Hermie,
>Blitzen and I both believe that we've never met you at the plant, but
>just to
>clue you in, we are definitly not on "sabatical". Rudy is a total
>company
>stooge. I'm sure that every elf has checked their plan by now and
>figured
>out that the klausco.com IPO augered in early, and they are all under
>water.
>To make it worse, we both got the the same
>"not on company time" letter from the HMO. Hey, we were out there on our
>own
>time doing touch and gos so deserving kids like Dennis can get tires. If
>Rudy, who has his own marketing and music deals on the side, wants to
>get
>his harness all in a bunch, he can gripe about plant maintenace. Did you
>really think after "all these years" we can't land in our sleep?
>Don
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Kelly, Katie [mailto:kkelly@spss.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 1:25 PM
>To: 'Anthony Tabacco'
>Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
>Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>I see you'll never change, Donner. I want you to know that thanks to
>your
>reindeer games, we're incredibly understaffed for Dec. 24th's shipment.
>Yes,
>it is true: our facilities aren't maintained as well as they should, but
>you
>can blame that on our booming economy and low unemployment. It's tough
>to
>find blue collar workers willing to do the maintenance work. That's why
>we're stuck with Hermie, the Associate Elf. We can't even afford your
>housing, as we could in years past, which is why you're all cramped in
>that
>one tiny stall.
>
>We're in a crunch right now. That is why it says very clearly in the
>Reindeer Handbook, "No Touch and Gos on the Klausco Plant." You were
>given
>due warning. You have been incredibly naughty and not very nice.
>
>-Rudolph
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Anthony Tabacco [mailto:atabacco@california.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 1:30 PM
>To: Kelly, Katie
>Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
>Subject: Re: Dear Santa (2)
>
>Wake up and smell the tundra, Rudy! Guess who took the corporate sleigh
>to
>meet with the fed-ex people last week? Do I have to draw you a flight
>plan?
>Don
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Kelly, Katie [mailto:kkelly@spss.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 2:02 PM
>To: 'Anthony Tabacco'
>Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
>Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>Not Fed Ex!
>
>Donner, what the hoof is going on here.
>
>Rudolph
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Jim Ochi [mailto:jochi@liquidaudio.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 2:02 PM
>To: Kelly, Katie; Bay_Area_Autocross_List
>Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>
>Rudolph -
>
>Where do you get the right to tell me what to do? Just 6 months ago you
>were a lowly nothing, bottom reindeer on the totem pole. You would beg
>the
>other reindeers to play in their games - when they wouldn't let you, us
>elves would take time out from our busy schedule to play with you. Even
>if
>it meant working an additional 4 hours to make our toy quotas, we would
>still take the time to make a piddly little reindeer happy. Then, you
>got
>your promotion, and everything changed. All of a sudden you were too
>good
>to associate with elves. You've been treating us as your lackeys, and
>this
>must stop. I've contacted our union representative, and unless we are
>treated with the respect we deserve, the elves are going out on strike.
>Please relay this to the rest of the corrupt capitalist upper management
>running dogs that you associate with.
>
>Hermie the Elf
>
>P.S. - if you don't lay off, I'll release the REAL story of how you got
>your
>nose to glow. I'm pretty sure that puts you in the "Naughty" category.
>Along with Mrs. Claus...
>
>P.P.S. - I also have pictures.
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Jesus Villarreal [mailto:jesvilla@gte.net]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 12:56 PM
>To: Kevin_Stevens@Bigfoot.com
>Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
>Subject: Re: Dear Santa (2)
>
>
>Kevin Stevens wrote:
> >
> > I heard they were in training at a greyhound track in Florida,
>alternating
> > as "bunny" for each race...
> >
>
> > > >
> > > >I am a strong proponent of Reindeer Feed. I conduct Reindeer Feed
>testing
> > > >down at the Lab.
>
>Not to mention that the heftier they are, the better for the venison
>jerky, and venison chorizo that could feed Santa and the elves.
>
>Hermies halfbrother(once dis-owned)
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Kelly, Katie [mailto:kkelly@spss.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 2:25 PM
>To: 'jesvilla@gte.net'; Kevin_Stevens@Bigfoot.com
>Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
>Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>
>Hermie,
>
>Would you put a lid on your evil half-brother? Please tell me he's still
>in
>prison.
>
>Rudolph
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Jim Ochi [mailto:jochi@liquidaudio.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 2:41 PM
>To: Kelly, Katie
>Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
>Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>Nope - he was released for good behavior last month. From what I hear,
>Santa has hired him to trim operations, in an attempt to get Klausco
>back
>into the black. He's the one spearheading the negotiations with
>FedEx. I've also heard that Santa has a big meat grinder on order...
>
>Hermie the Elf
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Jesus Villarreal [mailto:jesvilla@gte.net]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 2:53 PM
>To: Kelly, Katie
>Subject: Re: Dear Santa (2)
>
>I got out after I gave some of the aforementioned foods to the
>parole board members, they liked it so much they set me up with a
>complete store so they could do their shopping in total confidence.
>
>Hermies halfbrother,(once dis-owned)
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Jesus Villarreal [mailto:jesvilla@gte.net]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 3:02 PM
>To: Jim Ochi
>Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
>Subject: Re: Dear Santa (2)
>
>
>hermie wrote:
> >
> > Nope - he was released for good behavior last month.
>
>More like good cookin'
>
> >From what I hear, Santa has hired him to trim operations, in an attempt
>
> >to get Klausco back into the black.
>
>Yeah, trim operations in the butcher shop.
>
> > He's the one spearheading the negotiations with FedEx.
>
>I'm also talking to Emery Express.
>
> >I've also heard that Santa has a big meat grinder on order...
>
>I think I have that covered.
>
>The disowned jailbird halfbrother
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Kelly, Katie [mailto:kkelly@spss.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 3:18 PM
>To: 'jesvilla@gte.net'; Jim Ochi
>Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
>Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>This sounds like MUTINY!
>
>Come Donner! Come Blitzen!
>
>Donner, where are you?! Why are you silent?!
>
>Rudolph
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Jim Ochi [mailto:jochi@liquidaudio.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 3:42 PM
>To: Kelly, Katie; 'jesvilla@gte.net'
>Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
>Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>He was delicious.
>
>Hermie the Elf
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