Curt Onstott writes >
> I've been thinking it would be fun to put together a canonical list of
> previous owner cretinisms. Examples: 1) 12 inches of plastic used to
> fill a dent. 2) Creative wiring schemes.
My Lotus had the mother of all electrical systems. How does a
60-conductor submarine cable sound? IC logic circuits to use fog lights
as turn signals? Hundreds of screw terminals on barrier strips mounted
everywhere including 3 Sears toolboxes? Doorbell button for horn?
Regulator designed for British low-side system used on a car with alternator
designed for a French high-side regulator ("Lotus?, That's British. Use
this Lucas regulator."). And everywhere, mountains of #14 wire.
I conservatively estimate that I have lightened the car 40 pounds by
rewiring.
How about these:
Fabricate new fuel filler pipes. Fiberglass recessed square boxes in the
rear sails. Mount filler cap in inboard sides of boxes. You have done
much work, and are rewarded with a system that works far worse than the
original. When you attempt to put in fuel, it comes back out almost as
fast as you put it in. Some remains trapped in the bottom of the box,
where it can eat the paint. The remainder runs down the side of the car
onto your shoe.
While you are there, add restrictive scoops over the air outlet ports on
the engine cover. Even though you live in Hawaii, take this opportunity
to badly paint this plastic car with marginal ventilation black. Toss on
some gold stripes, even though it looks nothing like a Twin Cam Special.
Buy fancy Hermes 4->1 header. Have it chromed. Don't bother finding out
how Hermes planned the exhaust system. Make a 180-degree bend at the
header collector. Make sure the welds will crack. Run the pipe forward.
Make a right and install a large glass-pack under the engine. Make
another 90 and run it out the back of the car. Secure it all with baling
wire.
There is much more, but I don't have time to type it. I know every Lotus
is a kit car (only bolted together for ease of shipping) but this is
ridiculous.
Why did I get involved? There is a Lotus under there. They are hard to
come by hereabouts and the price was right. Driving it is the best revenge.
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