Please don't be offended. From David, one of the wandering tribes...
.
I love these.
JEWISH MOTHERS
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and
that he is
going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Mother, I'm going to
bring over three
women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into
the
house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He
then
says, "Okay, Mother, guess which one I'm going to marry?"
She immediately replies, "The one on the right."
"That's amazing! You're right. How did you know?
The Jewish mother replies, "I don't like her."
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The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like
Chinese
food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won
Ton
spelled backwards is Not Now.
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Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
Q: What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdales
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A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good", says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says, "Why are you so weak?"
"Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son says, "That's terrible! Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with
food
if you should call."
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A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been
given a part
in the school play.
"Wonderful! What part is it?" replies his mother.
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a
speaking part."
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Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a
nuisance
to anybody.
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Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the
street
and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself," she replied.
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Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
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Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow."
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Next week I'l try to find some funnies about Protestants... .
David C
San Diego
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