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Tarp's disease

To: mgs@Autox.Team.Net
Subject: Tarp's disease
From: William Zehring <zehrinwa@UMDNJ.EDU>
Date: Wed, 29 Jan 1997 08:15:00 -0500 (EST)
Fellow fiends:

Long time members of the list will recall that I periodically publish my 
findings on a new disease associated with MG ownership.  After all, I 
teach at a med school so it seems to be the right thing to do...   
Regardless, I've been doing some research and have discovered what I 
think is a here-to-fore uncharacterized malady.  As with most MG-related 
diseases, this one is largely behavioral.

Tarp's disease: being expressed in the adult as a compulsion to see what 
sort of car is "under that tarp."  

This malady is probably secondary to a condition that many of us find 
ourselves in: an almost filial relationship our cars have with us.  We 
witnessed a dramatic expression of this in David D.'s postings on the 
fate of unrestored MGs and the many postings in response to that one.  The
next phase in this is the desire to rescue abandoned and/or abused cars 
from their owners.  The clearest signal of such car abuse is the obvious 
profile of an automobile underneath some hideous blue or green tarp, 
usually in the back or side yard.  Our undefeatable compulsion is to look 
underneath that tarp and check if it isn't a way cool lbc that needs our 
love.  Like the little old lady in the shoe, if we could we'd bring them 
all home and nurture them back to health.

What is the etiology of this disease?  My guess is that in fact it is a 
form of regressive behavior; regressive to our grade-school age when many 
boys felt a similar compulsion to see what was covered up.  Most of us 
satisfied this curiosity (more or less) by high school.  Saddly, it 
returns.  I confess that I'm not sure of the etiology in women.  Did they 
suffer from a similar compulsion in grade school but carefully kept it to 
themselves?  Any comments, ladies?

What is the cure?   My guess is, as the firesign theatre once said; the 
only cure is death.  In this case, I would speculate that death comes by 
one of two means: auto accident after craining one's neck during the 
drive in to work, or fusillade from the owner of said tarp and car, 
alarmed at the presence of a stranger lurking on his/her property.

Will "the good doctor" Zehring

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