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im sure everyone can relate
Ray Huff
76 mgb
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From: Rocky2455@aol.com
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Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1998 22:33:51 EST
To: nova@post.cis.smu.edu
Subject: [nova] here`s how I get even
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For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to
take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!!
>
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had
to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin
Carter?"
>
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone
could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.
She
had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin,
I
spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it
again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You're a
butthole!"
and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "butthole" and put it
in my desk drawer.Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a
really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer and I'd yell, "You're a
butthole!" It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the phone
company
introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have
to
stop calling the butthole.
>
Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice,
"Hello". I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone
company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID
program?" He went,"No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him
back
and said,"That's because you're a butthole!" The reason I took the time to
tell you this story is to show you how if there's ever anything really
bothering you , you can do something about it. Just dial 823-4863.
>
>(Keep reading, it gets better)
>
The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking
place. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began
to
move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a
little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's
finally leaving. All of a sudden, this black Camaro comes flying up the
aisle
in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn
and
yelling, "You can't just do that, buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed
out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if
he
didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a butthole. There
sure
are a lot of buttholes in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in
the back of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another
place to park. A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I
had
just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a
butthole!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on
speed
dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on
my desk and thought I'd better call this guy too. After a couple rings
someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, " Is this the man
with
the black Camaro for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see
it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the
car's
parked right out front." I said, "What's your name?" "My name is Don
Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home in the evenings." "Listen
Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes." "Don, you're a butthole!" And I
slammed
the phone down.
>
After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For awhile
things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two
buttholes to call. Then, after several months of calling the buttholes and
hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the
problem some serious thought and came up with a solution.
>
First, I had my phone dial Butthole #1. A man anwered nicely saying,
"Hello."
I yelled "You're a butthole!" but I didn't hang up. The butthole said, "Are
you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "No."
He
said, "What's your name, Pal?" I said, "Don Hansen." He said "Where do you
live?" "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's
parked out front." He said, "Look, I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd
better start saying your prayers." "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Butthole!"
and I hung up.
>
Then I called Butthole #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello, Butthole!"
He
said, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll do what?" "I'll kick your
ass." "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Butthole!" And I
hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was
at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon
as
he got home.
>
Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going down on W. 34th
Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over the 34th Street to
watch the whole thing. Glorious! Watching two Buttholes kicking the crap out
of each other in front of 6 squad cards and a police helicopter was one of
the
greatest experiences of my life!
>
Names chanaged to protect the guilty.
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