I apologize for the length, particularly who have seen this and to those
receiving it twice, but this is good!
Recognize anyone.............Thickos?
Dave
59{)
59 MGA
YOU MIGHT BE A RACER IF...
You know how to properly pronounce "Ligier".
You walk proper lines through the grocery store.
You've ever had to explain the term "pucker factor".
You've been known to yell "It means 'check your mirrors' dammit!" at
your
television.
You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without complaining.
You bought a race car before buying a house.
You bought a race car before buying furniture for the new house.
You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the spares.
You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture!
You find that you need a new house because you've outgrown your garage
and
the neighbors are threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on
the
street or in the front yard.
The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in order of
importance):
8 car climate controlled garage with an attached shop.
Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a crew cab dually, a
28' enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th wheel.
3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder.
A grease pit.
Convenient to a hazardous waste disposal site.
Deaf neighbors.
Across the street from a paint and body shop.
Some sort of house with a working toilet on the property
somewhere
-or- hookups for the motorhome.
You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of race tires
that could have been purchased.
"You know well that Orthodontic work is the equivalent of three sets of
tires"
You hear "overcooked it" and think "off the track" instead of "Luby's".
You sit in your race car in a dark garage and make car noises and shift
and
practice your heal and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back
from
the machine shop.
You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.
Your wife says, "If you buy another set of tires, I'm getting a new
mink."
If you can lose five pounds in a July afternoon while eating chili dogs.
Your children are named after famous race car drivers (and one or more
of
them were conceived at a race track).
your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
you're tired of people asking how fast your car is and expecting to hear
the
top speed in MPH, not a lap time at some local track.
you have an immaculate car which you drive one day a week, and the
vehicle
that gets you around the other 6 days is rusted, covered with duct tape,
and
has a pair of Vise Grips holding the clutch cable together. You promise
yourself you'll fix it right after this season, or when you need your
Vise
Grips for something else.
You have enough spare parts to build another car
More than one racer supply house recognizes your voice and greets you by
name when you call
You have car parts in your cubicle at work
The guys at the local tire store laugh when you come in
Your grandmother is shocked to find you have a pair of jammies that cost
$400 and the seat doesn't even drop down
You think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner is: "Racers, start
your
engines!"
If you can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and rested on
weekends."
You're registered for wedding gifts at Pegasus and Racer Wholesale.
Your Christmas list begins with a Webster gearbox and Carrillo rods (and
your 'significant other' knows what these are).
After your answer to "How was your weekend?" the next question is
always:
"And you do this for fun? Right?"
You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
You've ever repaired your lawn mower with AN hardware.
Your lawn mower has a fuel cell.
Questionable taste...but true.
A new racing catalog arrives in the mail and you disappear to the
bathroom
for hours.
Your reading material in your bathroom consists of auto parts and racing
supply catalogs, several books written by famous drivers, every book
Caroll
Smith has ever written.... and 400 car magazines, none of which have
centerfolds.
People know you by your class letter, car number, and car color.
People know you by your "off"s. "Oh, you are the one stuck in the mud at
Lime Rock last weekend!"
Your first date involves asking her to crew for you.
Your criteria for selecting a significant other include auto repair
skills.
Air tools optional.
Your friends don't recognize you without a helmet and driver's suit.
Your family remembers your hair color as "grease".
You plan your wedding around the race schedule.
You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped breaker bar
every
other week or so.
You remember the dates and details of every race you've ever been in,
but
can't remember your phone number.
Your family brings the couch into the garage so they can spend some time
with you.
You know you might be a racer when crawling around in the muck wrenching
on
your own car is _much_ more appealing than reclining on the sofa,
watching
the pretty cars go around on TV with a beer in your hand...
(you might be a Corner Worker if...) you pick up the phone and say,
"Control
this is...."
You complain when cars in front of you on highway off-ramps don't stay
on
the line, causing your exit speed to drop.
A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you query, "Synthetic or
organic?" and they reply, "Vegetable or corn."
A neighbor asks to borrow some brushes, you hand them brushes for a
generator/alternator and they give you a funny look.
You tell a friend you need to clean up the head this weekend and they
think
you mean the toilet.
You give out your favorite racing catalog's 800 number when a friend
asks
for the best hardware store.
You refer to the corner down the street from your house as "Turn One."
You look at the fire hydrant at that corner and see an apex marker.
You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work (or school).
You always late apex the intersection and try to pass a few cars coming
out.
Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line through the turn
(not
necessary going fast).
You always do a toe & heel down shift while whoever might be your
passenger
gives you a real funny look.
You buy real cheap tires for your street car, so you can save $$$ for
the
real (race) tires.
You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive. Of course, you are
the
best.
You can't stand understeer.
You always want to change something in your street car to make it handle
better.
You will gladly pay up to $6 for a bottle of engine oil.
You hate long distance driving, but you will gladly drive 800 miles to
the
race track.
You memorized the menu at Denny's.
You buy Gatorade by box.
You think that traction control and ABS are for those who can't drive.
You've ever tried to convince your wife you needed that flow bench to
fix
the air filter on her station wagon.
You save broken car parts as "momentos".
Your last several freeway forays included just brushing the curbs as you
apexed the on-ramps perfectly....
You've found your lawnmower runs pretty good on 108 octane gas (but
doesn't
particularly care for alcohol)
When your friends who smoke come over you've got these really unusual
ash
trays for them to use (made by J&E and ROSS)
You've got 3 immaculate race cars always race ready, but your wife has
to
nag you for 2 months before you fix the headlight in her car
Your "daily driver" is continuously being mistaken for an abandoned car
as
you haven't taken the time to wash it in over a year
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