Just wanted to share some humor today with
all of you..I needed it desperately and I
figured someone out there in cyberland needed
it too...So enjoy!
Bobbie
>
> > 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your
> > house faster than an ambulance.
> >
> > 2. Only in America......are there handicap
> parking
> > places in front of a skating rink.
> >
> > 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the
> sick
> > walk all the way to the back of the store to get
> > their
> > prescriptions while healthy people can buy
> > cigarettes at the front.
> >
> > 4. Only in America......do people order double
> > cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
> >
> > 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors
> > open and then chain the pens to the counters.
> >
> > 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth
> > thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our
> > useless junk in the garage.
> >
> > 7. Only in America......do we use answering
> machines
> > to screen calls and then have call waiting so we
> > won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
> > talk to in the first place.
> >
> > 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in
> > packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
> >
> > 9. Only in America......do we use the word
> > 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli'
> > in Latin meaning 'many'
> > & 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
> >
> > 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM
> > machines with Braille lettering.
> >
> > EVER WONDER
> > Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our
> skin?
> >
> >
> > Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth
> > closed?
> >
> > Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
> > Lottery"?
> >
> > Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
> >
> > Why is it that doctors call what they do
> "practice"?
> >
> >
> > Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to
> click
> > on "Start"?
> >
> > Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,
> and
> > dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
> >
> > Why is the man who invests all your money called a
> > broker?
> >
> > Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
> > called rush hour?
> >
> > Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
> >
> > When dog food is new and improved tasting, who
> tests
> > it?
> >
> > Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
> >
> > Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal
> > injections?
> >
> > You know that indestructible black box that is
> used
> > on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane
> > out of that stuff?
> >
> > Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
> >
> > Why are they called apartments when they are all
> > stuck together?
> >
> > If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the
> > opposite of progress?
> >
> > If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport
> > the terminal?
> >
> > ------------------
> > In case you needed further proof that the human
> race
> > is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual
> > label instructions on consumer goods.
> >
> > On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (
> > and that's the only time I have to work on my
> hair).
> >
> >
> > On a bag of Fritos:.You could be a winner! No
> > purchase necessary.Details inside. (the shoplifter
> > special)?
> >
> > On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like
> regular
> > soap." (and that would be how???....)
> >
> > On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving
> suggestion:
> > Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
> >
> > On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
> "Do
> > not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late,
> > huh)!
> >
> > On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be
> > hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
> >
> > On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron
> > clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more
> > time)?
> >
> > On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a
> > car or operate machinery after taking this
> > medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate
> > of
> > construction accidents if we could just get those
> > 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
> >
> > On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause
> drowsiness."
> > (and...I'm taking this because???....)
> >
> > On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
> > outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?
> >
> > On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for
> > the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me
> on
> > this. I'm a bit curious.)
> >
> > On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
> > (talk about a news flash)
> >
> > On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
> > "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3:
> > maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
> >
> > On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
> > garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't
> blame
> > the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
> >
> > On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop
> chain
> > with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot
> of
> > this happening somewhere?)
> >
> > Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your
> turn
> > to spread the stupidity and send this to someone
> you
> > want to bring a smile to (maybe even a
> chuckle)...in
> > other words send it to everyone. We all need to
> > smile every once in a while.
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