> A girl phoned me the other day and said ...."Come on over, there's nobody
> home." I went over. Nobody was home.
>
> If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all.
>
> During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other
> night she called me from a hotel.
>
> One day as I came home early from work .....I saw a guy jogging naked. I
> said to the guy ...."Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said,
> "Because you came home early."
>
> Its been a rough day. I got up this morning ....put on a shirt and a
> button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm
> afraid to go to the bathroom.
>
> I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox the cat kept
> covering me up.
>
> I was so poor growing up...If I wasn't born a boy....I'd have nothing to
> play with.
>
> I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a
> radio.
>
> I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me
> that she only liked me as a friend.
>
> I'm so ugly...My father carries around the picture of the kid who came
> with his wallet.
>
> When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to
> my father.... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could.....But he
> pulled through.
>
> I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness-after I was born.
>
> I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to
> my father. He said he wanted more proof.
>
> Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find
> my parents. I said to him .... "Do you think we'll ever find them? "He
> said ... "I don't know kid ... there are so many places they can hide."
>
> My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
>
> I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big
> I'd get.
>
> I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look
> in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He
> said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
>
> I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
> My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
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