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Re[2]: Something to Tickle You

To: tigers@autox.team.net
Subject: Re[2]: Something to Tickle You
From: LeBrun@hii.hitachi.com
Date: Fri, 26 Jul 96 09:55:07 PST
     
        Thx.,...I'll pass these on.

______________________________ Reply Separator _________________________________
Subject: Something to Tickle You
Author:  "Sharon LeBrun" <sharon_lebrun@tcibr.com> at ~INTERNET
Date:    7/26/96 9:42 AM


                       Subject:                               Time:8:28 AM
  OFFICE MEMO          Something to Tickle You                Date:7/26/96
     
The story is told of the big Polack lumberjack who bought a brand new chainsaw 
and was told it could cut down at least 100 trees a day.
     
But on the first day he only managed to cut down 25 trees.  The next day he 
tried harder and finally cut down 33 trees.  The third day he started early, 
worked late, and even cut his lunchbreak short, but he still managed to cut 
down only 48 trees.
     
He went back to the store and confronted the manager with his complaint.  He 
told him of his efforts and of the results.  The manager couldn't quite 
understand what had gone wrong, so he asked to take a look.  He grabbed the 
starter rope and pulled hard, and the motor started with a roar.
     
The Polack jumped back in alarm and yelled, "Hey!  What's that big noise?"
     
     
     
     
 Stupid Criminal Hall of Shame
 Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by  running a
chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.  Instead of 
pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off 
their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still 
attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With 
their  vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
     
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of 
cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard 
cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
     
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the 
money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving 
his wallet on the counter.
     
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs 
with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official 
realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs 
official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A 
substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
     
Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, 
etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year- old woman, who wanted to 
have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
     
Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages 
rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a 
check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.
     
(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a 
robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that 
he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
     
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and 
stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was 
recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in 
the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself 
stealing the camera.)
     
(Location Unknown):  A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a 
street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then 
realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could 
not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was 
bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...
     
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a 
refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator 
from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup.  The truck promptly got 
stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was 
too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator 
BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that 
they locked the 
keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
     
(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the 
counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man 
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash
in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from 
the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of 
cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
     
     


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