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Kluge job

To: "Tigerlist *" <tigers@Autox.Team.Net>
Subject: Kluge job
From: "Larry Wright" <lrw@aop.com>
Date: Tue, 2 Jun 1998 13:38:33 -0400
        I had inquired earlier about the origin of the phrase "cluge (kluge) 
job";
well, not seeing a _satisfactory_ answer, I did a little checking...

        It turns out that we've been mis-spelling it all along, and that the 
story
involves, believe it or not, Sunbeam cars.  It turns out that Desmond J.
Kludge worked in the engineering department of Sunbeam around the turn of
the century; ever see pictures of the Sunbeam-Mabley cars? Desmond was the
third son of Ian, 12th Earl of Kludge, whose family had been there so long
that the earldom (somewhere in the Midlands but cannot find it on the map)
had taken the family name.
        Alas, poor Desmond seemed to have no aptitudes whatsoever. Rebuffed by
Sandhurst military academy, the Church of England, and the House of
Commons, the Earl secured a position for Desmond with Sunbeam, who placed
him in the engineering department.
        Young Kludge did not appear to have a knack for engineering, either. One
of his first projects was to mount the fenders on a new model. A visit to
the storeroom for rod stock to make fender (wing) brackets, resulted in
Desmond picking up a box marked "rod stock" which instead contained long
coil springs intended for a nearby screen-door manufacturer. Not clear on
the difference, he mounted these upwards from the frame to the fenders,
with the result that when the car was driven the fenders flopped about and
even got wrapped about the axle. Back in the shop, Kludge attached more
springs; down from the top of the body, between the front and rear fenders,
even up from a boss on the wheel bearing dust cap. Thus, the fenders
gyrations were controlled, sort of, although the springs made a fair amount
of distracting "boing-boing" noises when underway. The Production Manager
was pressed for time to deliver the cars, which were shipped as-is.
        Bodywork being obviously beyond Desmond's abilities, he was put to work
under the cars, where it was felt that he could do less harm. Making the
leather gaiter to cover the clutch assembly, he cut the leather too short;
it turned out to be the last piece in the shop. Casting about for some
other material, he saw the remains of his lunch. His fish-and-chips had com
wrapped in newspaper, which had become soaked in the oils from the fish and
become rather flexible, so he laced in a section to bridge between the
leather and the engine housing. Upon delivery of the car, the newspaper
held up only until driven on the first muddy road, where it ripped. The
dirt-caked clutch failed almost immediately, even within the confines of
the 5-day/500-mile warranty and replaced at Sunbeam's expense-- an
experience that did not make the management happy, especially as Kluge's
method had been copied by young apprentices for the entire production run
of twelve cars.
        Soon after, our ersatz engineer hit upon an idea for an improvement to 
the
chain drive. Finding the master links hard to use, and figuring that
customers in the field would think the same, decided to employ a more
familiar technology: wood and nails. A pair of blocks bracketing the chain
were secured by nails driven through them and the last links at the ends of
the chain. It worked, after a fashion, if one could tolerate the cyclical
"thump" as the blocks passed over the sprockets. The fact that the blocks
could be replaced in-the-field by anyone with a hammer was little
compensation for the fact that it was necessary to do so every few miles.
Fortunately, only half-a-dozen Sunbeams were made with the ICA (Improved
Chain Attachment) before discovery, and Desmond was found work where he
didn't get anywhere _near_ the cars.
        Shortly, the rest of Sunbeam's engineering staff attended the Royal Auto
show, and were strolling among the displays where they happened upon a
feature on one displayed car they disapproved of; point it out, the Chief
Engineer stated "that looks like a Kludge job". The surrounding guests from
the engineering staffs of the other manufacturers did not want to admit
being unfamiliar with the term, and thus started calling every haphazard
mechanical solution with those words.
        After leaving Sunbeam, the whereabouts of Desmond Kludge are a mystery,
although there were rumours of his presence in the French aircraft industry
in the 1930's. Perhaps more about his later exploits will surface later;
maybe even you know some anecdote about Kludge yourself. Collected, they
might make for an interesting Kludge web page.
        
Lawrence R. Wright
"Top that, Steve"
lrw@aop.com

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