Beer Symptoms & Solutions
Symptom: Beer unusually pale & tasteless
Fault: Glass empty
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer
Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights
Fault: You have fallen over backwards
Action: Have yourself lashed to the bar
Symptom: Mouth contains cigarette butts
Fault: You have fallen forwards onto bar
Action: See above
Symptom: Beer tasteless, front of shirt wet
Fault: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face
Action: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror
Symptom: Feet cold and wet
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle
Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling
Symptom: Feet warm and wet
Fault: Improper bladder control
Action: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about it's house training
Symptom: Floor Blurred
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer
Symptom: Floor moving
Fault: You are being carried out
Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar
Symptom: Room seems unusually dark
Fault: Bar has closed
Action: Confirm home address with bartender
Symptom: Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect & textures
Fault: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations (again)
Action: Cover mouth
With thanks to the good people of the
Triumph Sports Car Club of Southern Africa - Port Elizabeth Chapter
Leon F Guyot
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