[Bmcu] FW: in court

[Barry Engstrum]

Date: Mon, 27 May 2013 20:18:15 -0700
From: ATTORNEY
Subject: Fw: in court
To: 
     ----- Forwarded Message -----
   From:
 To:  
 Sent: Tuesday, May 21, 2013 10:43 PM
 Subject: in court
   


 
I have seen these before.... I wish I had been that creative on the  stand! 
 I'd be out of jail by now.  I don't think there is any  Felony Contempt! 
Now, McG.. he is still perjuring himself n court and  deposition on a weekly 
if not daily basis.  I'd love to have transcripts of some of his trial 
testilying.  

   
These have been around before but still worth a  laugh. 
 
     
HOW  DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????
These are from  a book called
 Disorder in the American Courts and are 
things  people actually said in court,... Word  for word, taken down and 
published by court reporters that  had the torment of staying calm while the 
exchanges were  taking place.

ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that  morning?
WITNESS:  He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:  My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the  impact?
WITNESS:  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?
WITNESS:  No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  What is your date of birth? 
WITNESS:  July 18th. 
ATTORNEY:  What year? 
WITNESS:  Every year. 
_____________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:  How old is your son, the one living with you?
 
WITNESS:  Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
ATTORNEY:  How long has he lived with you? 
WITNESS:  Forty-five years. 
_________________________________
ATTORNEY:  This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at  all?
WITNESS:  Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:  I forget..
ATTORNEY:  You forget? Can you give us an example of something you  forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his  sleep, 
he doesn't know about it until the next  morning?
WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is  he?
WITNESS:  He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was  taken?
WITNESS:  Are you shitting
 me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August  8th?
WITNESS:  Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:  Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  She had three children , right?
WITNESS:  Yes.
ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?
WITNESS:  None.
ATTORNEY:  Were there any girls?
WITNESS:  Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a      
               new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage  terminated?
WITNESS:  By death..
ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:  Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:  He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:  Unless the Circus
 was in town I'm going with  male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a  deposition 
notice which I sent to your  attorney?
WITNESS:  No, this is how I dress when I go to  work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on  dead 
people?
WITNESS:  All of them. The live ones put up too much of a  fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go  to?
WITNESS:  Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the  body?
WITNESS:  The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:  If not, he was by the time I  finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a urine 
 sample?
WITNESS:  Are you qualified to ask that  question?

______________________________________
And  last:

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for  a 
pulse?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:  No..
ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you  
began the autopsy?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a  jar.
ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive,  
nevertheless?
WITNESS:  Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and  practicing 
law.








































 
































     		 	   		  
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