[JAGNUTS] Santa's E-Type drive

[Bob England]

Mildly altered and severely plagiarized form an original adaptation ...

'Twas the night before Christmas
And in the garage,
Not trace of a Bimmer, or Porsche,
Benz or Dodge

The presents were wrapped
And the lights were all lit
So I figured I'd polish the Jag
For a bit

As I popped the releases
And lowered the hood
>From behind me I heard
"My, she looks pretty good."

As you can imagine
I turned mighty quick
And there by the workbench
was good ol' Saint Nick!

He stood for a bit
Unsure just what to say
Then 
"How 'bout an even-up trade for my sleigh?"

I said "sorry Santa"
And started to grin
"But if you've got time
We could go for a spin!"

His round little mouth
Puckered up like a bow
Then into a smile
As he said "well let's go!"

So as not to disturb
All the neighbours' in sleep,
We pushed the ol' E-type
Out into the street

Then instructing old Santa
"Hold on for your life"
I pushed the start button
She roared into life

The sound that erupted
Took him by surprise
But he liked it a lot
By the look in his eyes

With Dunlops a wailin'
An' tail pipes aglow
We drifted the E-type
around in the snow

Then Santa's grin widened
Near out to his ears
As right sprightly quick
I went through all four gears

He yelled
"Can't recall when I've felt so alive!"
So I backed off the throttle and asked
"Wanna' drive?"

Ol' Santa was stunned
When I tossed him the keys
As he walked past the headlights
I saw shakes at his knees

Then the engine exploded
With powerful sounds
He let out the clutch
Wire wheels spun around

Power shift into second
Then fast into third
I sat there just watching
At loss for a word

Through fourth he did race
And with no more to go
His foot off the throttle
Then braked in the snow

Around a right-hander
With knuckles a whitening
I felt a bit queasy
His driving quite frightening

Past home and the wife
With her face at the window
She must have had thought
Of becoming a widow

On to the highway
Our path then did lead
We passed just 'bout all
As he pressed on at speed

Then slowing to turn 'round
My heart skipped a beat
We passed a black ghost car
No radar a'beep

Well fine'ly he pulled up
In front of my place
Blood returned to my knuckles
To knees and to face

Climbing into in his
Old red eight reindeer sleigh
He smiled back at me
In his jolly old way

Then I heard him exclaim
as he blasted from sight
"Merry Christmas to all
And Ho-Ho-Ho;
What a night!"

Bob England
Merry Christmas to all Jagnuts
And Best wishes for the New Year