[Shotimes] OT-Beer Quotes

Wed, 4 Jun 2003 23:05:29 EDT

You may have already heard them, but you may not have either.  Just thought I 
would send them anyway. 

Kris
'91 Plus White
'93 Ultra Red ATX
"Women who behave, never make history"

> >
> >CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then
> >I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of
> >their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of
> >work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is
> >better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be
> >selfish and worry about my liver."
> >~ Jack Handy
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning,
> >that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
> >~Frank Sinatra
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> >"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
> >~ Henny Youngman
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> >"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
> >~ Stephen Wright
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> >"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we
> >fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
> >Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
> >~ Brian O'Rourke
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> >"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
> >~ Benjamin Franklin
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> >"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
> >beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
> >wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
> >~ Dave Barry
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> >BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
> >~ "Unknown"
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> >Remember "I"! before "E", except in Budweiser.
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> >To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One
> >afternoon at Cheers, Cliff was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy
> >Norm. Here's how it went:
> >
> >"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as
> >fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest
> >and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection
> >is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of
> >the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest
> >members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as
> >the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills
> >brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells
> >first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
> >cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. ! That's why
> >you always feel smarter after a few beers."
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>From: Shelley.Tuzinkewich@acuity.com
>To: getmetwithkurt@yahoo.com,"Corby L. Miller" 
><comiller@teksystems.com>,JeepLTD2U@aol.com,kagauger@hotmail.com,marko@wagz.com,"Jeff 
>Timm" <jtimm@sheboygan.k12.wi.us>
>Subject: Quotes
>Date: Tue, 27 May 2003 06:15:32 -0500
>
>
>
>
>CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then
>I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of
>their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of
>work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is
>better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be
>selfish and worry about my liver."
>~ Jack Handy
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning,
>that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
>~Frank Sinatra
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
>~ Henny Youngman
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
>~ Stephen Wright
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we
>fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
>Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
>~ Brian O'Rourke
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
>~ Benjamin Franklin
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
>beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
>wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
>~ Dave Barry
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
>~ "Unknown"
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Remember "I"! before "E", except in Budweiser.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One
>afternoon at Cheers, Cliff was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy
>Norm. Here's how it went:
>
>"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as
>fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest
>and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection
>is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of
>the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest
>members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as
>the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills
>brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells
>first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
>cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. ! That's why
>you always feel smarter after a few beers."
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

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