So, anyway, here it is, Saturday afternoon, and here am I -- your genuine New Mexico Boy, well acclimated to relative humidity readings in the middle teens -- in Florida in the middle of August.... And what is really weird, is I am here of my own free choice. No US Marshals, no alien abductions, not a Bruno Hauptman in a truck load, nothing like that involved at all.
See, it came to pass some months ago that C.A.T. member Dan Evans relocated from Honolulu, Hawaii to Clearwater, Florida. Dan had found himself unable to sell his '67 Alpine in Hawaii for anything near what it was worth. This was a nice clean car and Dan, as third owner, had a significant investment, so he decided to ship the car to Clearwater where he planned to continue to use it to commute to and from work.
A brief digression.... For the edification of those of you who have never experienced it, we should talk briefly about Florida's Gulf Coast in August:
TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW YOU ARE ON FLORIDA'S GULF COAST IN THE MIDDLE OF AUGUST
10. Pecans, 3 pounds for $1. FREE SAMPLE!
9. Skinny women, big hair.
8. Skinny men, big trucks.
7. Boiled peanuts, $1.99 lb, FREE SAMPLE!
6. Road work, road work, road work, FINES DOUBLED!
5. Just stopped raining, just started raining, just about raining.
4. Hauling up the four-lane at 65 mph, 3 of 4 cars ahead have left turn indicator on for 12 miles. 4th car has four way flashers on.
3. Fourth car is under tow by third car with 40' log chain.
2. 93 octane, $1.37 per gallon.
And the number one way to tell you are on Florida's Gulf Coast in the middle of August....
1. Sweat! Sweat! Sweat!
So, anyway, here was Dan, on Florida's South Coast with a car that was, frankly, just about totally unsuited to use in the environment.... Frankly, anybody with three Kopeks to rub together is gonna be driving something, anything, with an AC. Frankly, ya just gotta have it.... So the car was neither usable -- if you were unwilling to arrive at work wringing wet with your own sweat -- nor, for the same reason, was it readily saleable.
So, Dan bought an air conditioned S-10 to drive to and from work and to, occasionally, park beside wife Jennifer's new Beemer, which, of course, was so air conditioned it would freeze your teeth if you dared to crack a smile, which is doubtless why so many Floridians don't, though Jennifer, thankfully, still does.
Unfortunately, Dan and Jennifer's new Florida apartment did not have a garage or carport, so storing the Alpine soon became a real concern. And every time Dan looked at Jennifer's Beemer he pictured a Beemer Z3 sitting next to it, water condensing and dripping off the oh so effective air conditioner coils. Dan, therefore, put the Alpine back up for sale and sent out a notice on the Alpine list.
This is where I came in....
I had been looking for a nice, solid, clean, reasonably priced Alpine "for my wife" ever since I got my Tiger a while back. I had considered a number of cars but had been unable to find one that fit the bill, so Dan and I entered into a correspondence and Dan sent me a stack of pictures....
The Alpine is black with a black interior. A few years old Sunbeam Specialties carpet kit appears to be holding up reasonably well. The paint is in good condition, the occasional chip notwithstanding, and is well maintained. The black leather interior (vinyl door panels) is also in good condition. The headlinerless steel hard top is in excellent condition. The front bumper is dinged up and, as a result, there is a smoosh under the left headlamp. Overall, the car really looks nice and would make a great bookend for my black Tiger with tan interior.
Mechanically, Dan assures me, the Alpine is excellent. Maintenance receipts going back many years. Professional body work and paint. Professional carb rebuild. Professional clutch installation. Professional exhaust system. Etc., etc., etc.
Year old battery. GM alternator. Alarm system. All working electrics. New car cover. Nice six speaker stereo system less the actual radio/casette player.
Because of the prohibitive expense involved in shipping the car from Florida to New Mexico, the only practical way to do this if I want the car is to fly down, pick it up and drive it back. Practical? Well, I have driven all across the country in some pretty strange gear, and, God knows, I ain't gittin' no younger. I am 53 years old and if I want to drive, I'd best get to drivin'.
90% of the route would be near sea level, none of it higher in elevation than my home in Las Cruces. Everything becomes a question of logistics.
Besides, there is really no place I really HAVE to be at any particular time anymore. Just as long as Napoleon, the Crown Prince of Dalmatia is in good hands, I can do pretty much what I please.... If the car breaks enroute, it breaks. Some other opportunity will open up, it always does.
"Where," I ask Dan, "could I get a receiver installed in a couple of hours so that I would have it crossing the desert?" If you buy the receiver, he says,I could install if for you, no sweat.
So, I finally break down and show Janet the photos of the car. "Lets go down to Clearwater and take a look at this Alpine," says I, "if we like it we'll drive it home."
Janet doesn't even bat an eye. "When do you want to leave?" she asks.
It takes a week to get airline reservations, motel reservations, car reservations, get to the bank, get packed, and so forth.
Packed? Big blue Samsonite hard sider. Medium sized Samsonite hard sider. Medium size Jordache soft case. Lap top in its case. Medium sized Boeing soft case. Various special purpose cases. Other bulky stuff. Janet begins to worry about fitting it all in the 737, let alone the Alpine.
So, on a bright, cool Thursday morning we climb into the airport limo's back seat and roll comfortably, silently down the freeway to the El Paso Airport where we board a flight to Houston. A quick plane change in Houston and, surrounded by Guatamalan tourists, we're in Orlando before you know it, but, thanks to being surrounded by Guatamalan tourists, not nearly soon enough.
Orlando airport is terribly Floridian.... Walk, walk, walk. Two miles, at least, from the boarding gate to the baggage claim area. Walk, walk, walk. Elevator down three stories, elevator up two stories to the baggage carousels. Walk, walk, walk. Elevator up three stories, down three stories to the car rental counters. Walk, walk, walk. Elevator up two stories, down two stories, through tunnel, up two stories, to pick up the Buick. Woooosh! Turn on the AC!
At the motel the desk crew try to steer us to "Charlie's Steak Hut--present this card and the FIRST DRINK'S FREE" while refusing to admit that restaurant row, complete with Red Lobster, Olive Gardens, and so forth, is only a mile away. The desk crew also steadfastly refuses to mark the location of a grocery store on our map but, gesturing vaguely to the west, acknowledge that there is "probably one down that-a-ways a ways..."
We do find a Publix Grocery and, much to my surprise, they stock Vernors Ginger Soda, a mark of gentility and breeding totally unexpected in Orlando. We buy a case of this elixir, necessitating a stop at the the Big K-Mart to buy a small ice chest.
We are now ready for Florida....
By 7 AM Friday we are on the road for the 80 mile drive to Tampa. We very cleverly take surface roads, thus managing to avoid much of the hassle of Interstate 4 which, so far as I can tell, is being rebuilt for its entire 80 mile length. But, thank you Jesus, our chosen route only picks up about about 15 miles of that nonsense.
We take the Courtney Campbell Causeway across Tampa Bay and enter Clearwater, running a few miles up McMullen Booth Road and arriving at Dan and Jennifer's place about 10 AM. The temperature and humidity are both stuck on 95. Janet joins Jennifer inside the apartment in air conditioned comfort while Dan and I go over the Alpine.
The belts and hoses all appear in very good condition, mostly brand new. The brake fluid is crystal clear, the pedal is solid and the braking action authoritative. There are no leaks in any system.
All of the lights work with the exception of the high beam indicator. The horn is functional though a trifle... eccentric. (But, hey, who isn't?) The turn indicators do not self-cancel but, other than that, the car is a first class driven machine.
The pentastar, mercifully, was not re-installed after last year's paint job.
And then, Dan and I head out for a drive. With me behind the wheel we run down the four-lane and head across the Bayside Bridge toward St. Augustine. The temp gauge never moves above 85 degrees C. The tach is obviously off by several thousand revs.... at 60 mph the counter reads 6,500 RPM. Speedo seems pretty close to accurate, so far as I can tell. Oil pressure holds constant at 40 lbs.
The car climbs quickly up to 80 mph, as fast as I dare go with the traffic around me. Even at speed it rides well, no bouncing, the Koni's doing their thing very nicely. The rear springs, apparently the originals, also do a surprisingly good job, no bottoming out and no rubbing on the tires, which are in good shape though very old Bridgestones.... HR 70's with about half their usable tread left. They will have to be watched closely.
No unexplainable noises though when starting up the fan belt sometimes emits a squeal, but hey! This car is 31 years old.
I am a little surprised at how different it is from Tigger. I had expected it to be lighter and quicker to respond, and it just isn't. Tigger seems to my mind actually better balanced. And, of course, laying rubber in third gear is a thing not to be even imagined. Still, the 1725 purrs along through the year-old stainless steel exhaust system and gets very decent performance. Surely this little dude will walk away from the average MGB, won't it?
One really huge similarity between the Tiger and the Alpine is the way they both scream for another gear. Of course, an overdrive can be added to the Alpine fairly easily, not something that can be said about the Tiger.
Dan and I stop at Circuit City where I buy a detachable face JVC receiver (35 watts X 4) with casette and CD controller before we return to Dan's place where I hide in the apartment beneath the air conditioner to review receipts and Dan very kindly installs the JVC.
Shortly after noon, checks and titles signed and exchanged, Janet and I wave goodbye to Dan and Jennifer and shlup off to the nearest post office where we mail the two boxes of miscellaneous spares and tons of maintenance receipts back to New Mexico. By 6 PM we've returned the rental car to Avis and by 9 we are in bed with a 5 AM wake-up call.
We are up early but don't manage to hit the road until about 6:45 as the luggage requires a considerable amout of arranging to get into the Sunbeam. But get it in we do.... Amazing!
Also amazing, how incredibly hot and sticky it is at 6:45 AM. Sweat! Sweat! Sweat!
We head up US 19, a four lane surface road in, for the most part, pretty decent condition though, Lord knows, the construction barriers still abound. Once we are clear of the traffic light plagued metroplex -- which seems to go on forever -- we are able to get up to 60 or 65 mph and keep it there, tach still reading 6,500 RPMs.
Traffic is pretty light so I, for the most part, allow any one of several pickups hauling bass boats to play pathfinder. We pass a number of thankfully disinterested cops at the side of the road. The Florida countryside is beautiful, green and covered in flowers while Janet and I are covered in... Sweat! Sweat! Sweat!
The Alpine purrs along -- hope the exhuast note grows on me over the next couple of thousand miles -- and we praise the Alpine's remarkable foot room and boot room all the way.
I find my T-shirts are, incredibly enough, way too warm to wear in this weather. The single tank top that I have with me is far more comfortable.
The only downer for the day occurs when the loverly JVC -- boy it sure sounds good, even over the wind noise -- quits after a couple of hundred miles. This is not a tragedy but it is sure a pain in the butt.
In keeping with the plan, we arrive at our day's destination, Tallahassee, by 11:00 AM and call it a day. After some fairly heated discussions with the friendly Floridian desk clerk about the evils of early check-in, we are allowed access to our room which, she insists, is not really our room but, rather, one "left over from last night" which we will have to take because of the indecent hour we are hanging it up. Finally in our room, we relax for 10 minutes while I review the JVC troubleshooting chart before heading out for Wally World to buy more bottled water and several more tank tops.
Tonight, it is into bed by 9 PM and up by 5 tomorrow to head for Pensacola, another easy leg on this epic journey since we plan to spend part of the day Gulf watching. Weather willing, of course, as rain is -- guess what? -- predicted.
--Colin Cobb, Schluppin', Sweatin', & Smilin' in Florida