Time for some levity - don't ask if the Scotch is the black or silver label!
Fruitcake Recipe
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon scotch
Sample the scotch to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the
scotch again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup
and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a
large, fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the
scotch is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer. Break 2 legs and add
to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the
fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the scotch to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt.
Or something. Who cares? Check the scotch. Now sift the lemon juice and
strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever
you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't
forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the
scotch again. Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?
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