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The Ugly Wedgling - Will it be a Swan? The saga continues at exaggerated

To: mgs@Autox.Team.Net
Subject: The Ugly Wedgling - Will it be a Swan? The saga continues at exaggerated length
From: mmcewen@gpu.srv.ualberta.ca (John McEwen)
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 1997 23:18:19 -0500
Hello again fellow listers:

Herewith follows part 2 of the saga.  I shall continue in free form.  As
you may remember from part 1, the moment of real truth is upon me and I am
about to turn the beast loose.

Well, here goes.  Engine running a bit balkily but running.  Rev it up,
eeease out the clutch, let it slip.  Whoops, were moving.  God, what a
racket.  I think I know why this car was such a bargain.  It sure is
tall-geared.  I'm doing nearly 30mph in first and we're only making about
3000rpm - of course it sounds like 6000rpm.  Back into second.  Unngh, this
stick is big and stiff. The guy that did this interior must have had hands
like hams.  Whoof, no more tranny-devouring noises.  I'd think if the
layshaft needles are gone I'd hear it all the time.  Ouch!!  This damn
thing has no front damping at all.  It's bouncing all over the road and
bottoming every time it hits the ground.  The steering is pulling to the
left like crazy.  Unnh.  Damn that one hit me right in the butt.  The rear
suspension is also bottoming.  Why doesn't the city fix this bloody road.
In this thing I could feel a dime lying on the surface.

Well, at least the engine is quite smooth and sounds powerful.  Up into
third.  Push, hard.  This thing sure doesn't shift like any LBC I ever
drove.  Ahh, that's better the noise is a little less deafening and the car
seems smoother.  Gotta watch that clutch.  The travel is huge and I have to
slip it on every release or the thing jerks like crazy.

I'm going to stick my leg into it.  Hmm, not bad but it seems to peter out
at 4000rpm.  Hell, it's redlined at 6500, what's the matter.  I'll just
stomp it again.  God, what a racket.  Nah, not much more urge.  It seems to
like it better when I shortshift.  OK, down into fourth.  That's not bad.
It almost seems pleasant at about 55mph.  I'll push it a bit.  Up to 70mph.
Yuck what a racket again.  Even worse, now it's howling as well as
growling and roaring, not to mention bouncing and lurching.  Sounds like a
whole bloody zoo.  I wonder if a lot of that racket is fan noise.  You'd
think when someone designed a closed car that there'd be some use of
sound-deadening material to prevent this "sitting in a barrel effect".

It's still pulling to the left and now the front wheel on that side is
shimmying.  Probably took a hit at some time or other.  I'd better check
the tire pressures when I get home.  Bang, Crash.  Well, that settles it,
I'm going to have to put strut cartridges into it.  I hope they're not
worth a bloody fortune.

It's really deceptive.  It actually is going faster than it seems. I
thought I was doing about 50 there and I'm actually going 65.  I don't like
the droop snoot.  I can't see the end of the car.  I'd better watch when
I'm parking.  That's probably why it has that big, poorly-repaired dent
showing through the shaky can finish on the nose.  The DPO said he had
repaired a dent.  What a laugh.  His idea of repaired and mine don't quite
agree.  You're supposed to sand the bondo before it's painted.

Why did they build that huge windshield?  The seat is so low I'm only
looking through the bottom quarter of the glass.  Maybe they were planning
to sell it to Chicago Bull's players.  What the hell is a Rear Fog Light?
A damned orange light just came on with that message. Do they have a
special light on this thing for driving backwards in the fog.  Hmm.  If you
back away from fog does it clear up or is that so the guy behind can see
your headlights because he can't see your taillights?

I wonder if the light is related to one of those two really big black
pushbuttons with the squiggly line on them.  No, the first one turned on a
purple light which says "Rear screen demister".  The second one doesn't do
anything.  I wonder if it used to operate the Rear Fog Light, whatever the
hell that is.

I like the brakes.  The boost is nice compared to the workout I get driving
my B.  The car stops very quickly and surely.  I wish the steering wasn't
so quick and easy.  Maybe I should look into installing a booster on the B.
The edge of the console is digging into the side of my knee.  Just like
the B. Weren't those damned Brits that designed this thing ever forced to
drive one?  Why do they always manage to put some hard-edged thing right
where it digs into someone's leg?

I don't like this fat, little steering wheel.  It looks like something out
of a grotesque hotrod.  It sure is twitchy.  If there is one thing I like
about LBCs it's the neat steering wheels the old ones have.  This thing is
ugly.  The hub is so huge it looks like a modern one with an airbag.
That'd be wonderful.  A Lucas airbag.  God help the little children.

This noise is just too much, I can barely hear the radio.  Maybe if I turn
it up a bit.  Yeah, that's better.  Damn, one of the speakers is cracked.
Maybe that's why the PO had the treble turned all the way up.  Oh well, I
can't really hear it over the roar of the engine.

This thing is really close-coupled inside.  There is more space above the
dash than there is behind my head.  Just like the B in reverse. You could
easily pile two sixpacks on each side.  Of course you couldn't see out
unless you sat on a dictionary.  At least it's really easy to shoulder
check.  There is practically no blind spot.  Good thing cause it's only got
a driver's side mirror.  I just realized when I looked back that the
interior is very like my cousin's Fiero.  Now there's a wonderful
comparison.  Come to think of it, it rides like my cousin's Fiero.

 Well, I'm getting really sick of this noise.  I'm going to open the
window.  Hell, it's only minus 5 and the heater is finally  warming the
interior.  I'd better check the thermostat.  It's probably got a 160 in it
- if it has one at all.  It's a good thing I turned the blower down.  With
the engine noise, fan noise, radio and tranny noise I couldn't hear a 747
it it  was landing on my roof.  Oh, wow.  With the window open the noise is
much quieter.  It's like letting the smoke out of the wires.  I think I
just let the resonance out of the tin can.

Gee, it's not too bad now.  There isn't any wind buffeting and I feel more
comfortable. It smells better in here now.  I'd better to remember to check
the fuel lines and carbs.  There is a distinct smell of raw fuel.  What a
car.  If you want quiet you have to *open* the window.

I'd like to shove it through a few fast bends but with this front end I'd
end up on a median or around a tree.  I can get it bouncing like a kid on a
trampoline.  I haven't felt anything this bad since last spring when I
drove the B home from storage and found that all the oil had leaked out of
the right front shock.

I think I had better check the timing.  For a two litre, OHC engine it just
doesn't put out.  My old TR2 would blow the doors off this thing.  It would
have to blow off the doors - it couldn't suck the headlights out of those
goofy pods.  I just have to try those again.  I'll flip the switch - if I
can work it.  I suppose this is one of those safety switches.  God, give me
a good old fashioned toggle switch any day.  Even one of those rocker
switches in the B would be better.  Ah, there.  Ha1 Boink they go up. Bwap,
they go down.  Cute.  The guy in front of me must think I'm crazy.  Oops.
I just realized it also looks like a Fiat X1-9.  It's the goofy headlights.
Two loser cars that look like a TR7.  Is there a connection.  Nah,
couldn't be.

Well, the list of things to check, adjust, replace is growing.  Maybe I
should just dump it now.  When I told the guys at the sports car club party
that I was thinking about buying a wedgling they all laughed at me....
There must be a kid out there who wants a red "sports car" and doesn't know
about these things....  Nah.  I'll stick it out.  I promised the SOLers a
complete report and they're going to get one - if it kills or deafens me.

Part 3 to follow in which we discuss the saga of new strut cartridges and
new rear shocks.  They're going in tomorrow - I hope.  Keep your fingers
crossed.

John



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