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Gifts for Men

Subject: Gifts for Men
From: Tom Buchanan <>
Date: Tue, 07 Dec 1999 10:34:49 -0500
Christmas is just around the corner so here are some gift ideas for those
special men in your life!  Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated
as it is for women.  Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill.  It does not matter if he already
has one.  I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man,
you can never have too many cordless drills.  No one knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word
ratchet or socket in it.  Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can
I borrow your ratchet?"  "OK. Bye-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch
socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his MG.  A 99-cent
ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear
view mirror.  Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks.  Do not buy men ties.  And never buy men bathrobes. I
was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have
invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.
If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little
picture in the corner.  Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs.  If you do, it will sit in a
cupboard for 23 years.  Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.
I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #8:
Buy men label makers.  Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of
weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks Shorts. Cups.
Saucers.  Door.  Lock.  Sink."  You get the idea.  No one knows why.

Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box.  It
will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home
Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire.  (NAPA Auto Parts
and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.  It doesn't
matter if he doesn't know what it is.  "From NAPA Auto, eh?  Must be
something I need. Hey!  Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane?  Wow!

Rule #11:
Men enjoy danger.  That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get
him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line
leaks. "Oh the thrill!  The challenge!  Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12:
Tickets to a Vikings game are a smart gift.  However, he will not appreciate
tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." everyone knows why.

Rule #13:
Men love chainsaws.  Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you
don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a
label maker.

Rule #14:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder.
Never buy a real man a step ladder.  It must be an extension ladder.  No one
knows why.

Rule #15:
Rope.  Men love rope.  It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least
The Boy Scouts.  Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.
No one knows why.

Tom Buchanan
1974 MGB-GT
Kingsport, TN
ICQ 21478018

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