The following was in Today's Ann Landers column. I thought it was very funny.
This in from Brig. Gen. Bob Clements, USAF (ret) Please read.
To: All retired Military Personnel
Subject: Official command Visit.
This office has informed of an official visit by Gen. Santa Claus to this
base on 25 December. The following directives will govern activities of
personnel during this visit:
1. No creatures will stir without official permission. This will include all
native mice. Special stirring permits will be obtained thought the orderly
2. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200
hours. Uniform for nap: pajamas, cotton, light drowsing, with kerchief,
3. Personnel will utilize standard ration sugarplums to dance though their
heads. This item may be picked up the orderly room.
4. Stocking, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimneys with care.
Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires. Individual
sections will submit stocking-hanging plans to Capt. Kringle by 0800 hours,
5. At first sign of clatter from lawn, all personnel will spring form their
beds to investigate and evaluate cause. Immediate action will be taken to
tear open shutters and throw open window sashes.
6. Volunteers are needed to drive one sleigh, miniature and eight (8) deer,
rein, tiny for use of Gen. Claus. Driver must have current rooftop license.
7. Gen. Claus will enter all sections though chimneys. Sections without
chimneys will draw a Chimney simulator from Link Services for use during
ceremonies. Requests must be submitted in triplicate prior to 20 December.
8. All personnel will be rehearsed in shouting "Merry Christmas to all, and
to all a good night." This shout will be given upon termination of Gen. Claus
visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of all section chiefs.
signed, Ebenezer Scrooge, Colonel USAF Commander.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night