Thanks for the humor, Bill!! Great way to start the day! BTW, I believe this
list can actually be credited to Peter Egan of Road & Track Magazine fame.
What gave it away for me were the references to motorcycles and guitars as
well as car repair. He is always that funny...that's why I've subscribed to
the mag for as long as I can remember!!
Tim in Ft Worth
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Hanlon, Bill [SMTP:Bill.Hanlon@COMPAQ.com]
> Sent: Monday, March 19, 2001 8:42 AM
> To: oletrucks
> Subject: [oletrucks] Tools and their usage
> I scammed this list from a 50's Pontiac e-mail list, but it is very
> appropriate for us OleTruckers too. Maybe it will make up for
> my re-opening the rod-freak vs. resto-freak can of worms.
> HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer
> nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive
> parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
> ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel pop
> rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works
> great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake
> line that goes to the rear wheel.
> PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
> HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija
> board Principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked,
> unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence
> its' course, the more dismal your future becomes.
> VICE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
> available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding
> heat to the palm of your hand.
> OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting
> various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy
> for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to
> get the bearing race out of.
> DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly
> snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it
> smacks you in the chest and flings your drink across the
> room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you
> were drying.
> WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws
> them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of
> light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned
> guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say "Ouch....."
> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a vehicle
> to the ground after you have installed your new front
> disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under
> the front fender.
> EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for
> levering a vehicle upward off a hydraulic jack.
> TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
> PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he
> has another hydraulic floor jack.
> SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful
> as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used
> mainly for getting dog-poo off your boot.
> MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice
> through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered
> to your front door; works particularly well on boxes
> containing seats and motorcycle jackets.
> E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that
> snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than
> any known drill bit.
> TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for
> illuminating grease buildup..
> TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy
> tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps
> and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.
> CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A
> large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has
> an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end
> without the handle.
> BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool
> for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to
> the inside of your toolbox after determining that
> your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
> AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
> TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth.
> Sometimes called a Drop Light, it is a good source of
> vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is not
> otherwise found under vehicles at night. Health
> benefits aside, its' main purpose is to consume
> 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm
> Howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first
> few hours of the Battles of the Bulge. More often
> dark than light, its name is some-what misleading.
> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab
> the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and
> splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as name
> implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
> AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy
> produced in a coal burning power plant 200 miles
> away and transforms it into compressed air that
> travels by hose to a pneumatic impact wrench
> that grips rusty bolts last tightened 50 years ago
> by someone in Meridian, and rounds them off.
> PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal
> surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to
> remove in order to replace a 50" part.
> HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 "
> too short.
> oletrucks is devoted to Chevy and GM trucks built between 1941 and 1959
oletrucks is devoted to Chevy and GM trucks built between 1941 and 1959