Hey Steve,
In a message dated 12/16/97 5:29:42 AM, you wrote:
<<In my haste to
give you my years of wisdom, I forgot one very important caution. There
is reputed to be a COUNTERFEIT Tiger in the bay area. I only have the
sketchiest details, but thought I should warn you, anyway.>>
Thanks for your concern but not to worry. Being a well-trained Morganist of
the old school, I was well prepared for them phoney-baloney Californy
slicksters! Always remember that we ain't got no dummies out here Nuevo
Mexico way because, while it is true we hatch 'em and raise 'em up, we ship
'em all to California as soon as they get up to a decent size and sprout their
ponytails and earrings.
I knowed there was some risk to my Bay Area trip just as soon as I bought the
treasure map to the Tiger Trails because the whole area just west of Oakland
was scribbled out and marked "Here there be momsters." Frankly, I probably
would have reconsidered the whole thing if my map had not turned out to be
signed by C. Shelby his ownself. I figured, "What the hell, if ol' Carl is
prepared to stand behind it, how wrong can I go?" Which, I am sure you will
recognize as a variation on the old California question, "How LOW can you go."
It is a good thing I was prepared, too! From the minute we landed in Oakland
it was one thing after another... Right off the bat some dude started
grabbin' my luggage and saying "Foller me curbside, Cur." Well, I guess
between me and the missus we showed him all possible uses of two pair of Tony
Lama's size 10's!
One of the things we Morganeers have always liked best is Bitzas. We view 'em
as just the natural desire of our cars to reproduce and are not too disturbed
just as long as the dirty deed gets done out of sight of mixed company. There
were, for example, 4 Morgan race cars built up in the early 60's which were
called "Baby Doll Racers." Nice, fast, unique cars. Well, although only four
were built, today there are 683 Baby Doll Racers! This is because every time
a bit falls off it becomes the center piece for another Baby Doll Racer which
is ever so much more efficient than taking several discarded bits to build up
a Bitza. Don't cha know?
I was sorry to learn that you, too, have been taken in by the "Lord Rootes
Bitten By Billy Goat" ruse. I thoroughly investigated this story before
venturing to the land where there be momsters. I confirmed to my own
satisfaction that this story emerged whilst Lord Rootes was touring the Paykan
factory in Teheran, Iran, in the early 50's. The actual headline for the
story in the Teheran Times was, "Goaty Bill Bitten By Lord Rootes." All the
confusion resulted from the fact that Iranian writin' reads right to left
'stead o' left to right! Understandably, neither Lord Rootes nor Goaty Bill
were any too anxious to straighten out the record.
When you point out that Lord Rootes' "face would blanch, and his jowls would
quiver as his faced got red," surely you realize that was merely the old
dear's way of gearing up to pass gas? And we ain't talkin' about British
Petroleum here!
Thank you, Jesus, there is no peanut budder odor around my Tiger! All I could
whiff was some fish oil, some of Goaty Bills eau d' ponytail, and, of course,
Lord Rootes' Emissions d' Jour. You gotta admit that the really great ones
had real staying power!
Despite everything that I had been able to learn about counterfeitting Tigers
I confess that I was still a little concerned about whether or not I would
really be able to recognize the real thing. Thankfully, shortly before
leaving on my trip I stumbled across the single sure-fire tell-tale sign...
Since I have already bought my car, I am now going to release the info to the
world and all the rest of you Suckas can damned well look out for your
ownselves!
After countless hours spent examining countless Tigers and Cloners and
Replicers offered for sale across the country I finally realized that the true
test of authenticity is the Radio Antenna Test (RAT). Each and every
authentic Tiger offered for sale has either a radio antenna or a little hole
where a radio antenna used to be. No authentic Tiger offered for sale has a
radio. Every Cloner and Replicer offered for sale either has a radio with
antenna or has no antenna or antenna hole.
Amazing how the Cloners screw up on the little things, ain't it?
Please don't fault yourself for not having picked up on the RAT discloser. As
you probably know, Morgans have never been fitted with radios and today one
still cannot get a radio in a brand new Mog because Mr. Morgan thinks it is
not "fitting." This eminently understandable (to himself) position causes
Mog-sperienced guys to be constantly on the lookout.
In closing, let me ask just one question: Whatinell is this "suspension
system" you guys keep harping on?
Again, thanks for your concern...
--Colin Cobb, Still Countin' Shippin' Days Outside Las Cruces, NM, USA
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