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Secrets revealed!

To: british-cars@alliant.Alliant.COM
Subject: Secrets revealed!
From: mit-eddie!!mason@EDDIE.MIT.EDU (Nark Mason)
Date: Fri, 23 Mar 90 15:06:31 EST


And now I reveal a well kept secret - everything you always
wanted to know about electricity.
Forget all that nonsense about magnetic fields and the flow of
electronics along a conductor, for it is just nonsense, a myth put about
by auto electricians to support their lavish lifestyle at your expense.
The reality is......smoke! When you think about it, it all becomes
startlingly obvius - smoke makes all electrical things function. If
smoke escapes, the component stops working. For example, the last time
you had to grovel under the car to replace the starter motor, didn't
it start smoking before it ceased working? Of course!

The wiring loom in your car carries smoke from one device to another,
pumped around the system by the dynamo, and when a wire springs a leak
it leds all smoke out and everything stops. The starter motor requires
lots of smoke to work properly, so it has a very thick wire going to it.

The battery stores up lots of smoke dissolved in the battery acid, which
is why they were once called accumulators, until it became apparent that
we unwashed home mechanics would twig to the secret. Naturally, if you
try to dissolve too much smoke in your battery it will escape through those
little holes in the top, which is why those new fangled batteries with sealed
tops explode when they got too much smoke in them.

With regard to Joseph Lucas and his wrongfully sullied reputation, why is
his so maligned? Why are Lucas components more likely to leak smoke than
say Bosch or Marelli? Because Lucas is British and British things
always leaks. British motorcycles leak oil. British sportscar leak rain,
British hydrolastic units leak fluid, and British government leak
military secrets. So, naturally, British electrical components leak smoke.

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