British Motorcars in Biblical Times: The Untold Story
Until recently the British motorcar was thought to be an invention solely of
the twentieth century. Although, it has been acknowledged that the
engineering seems to be of an earlier time. But the latest discoveries from
the ancient Emgeeus-Tryumphus riverbed reveal the shocking truth. Your
faithful reporter was there when these writings were translated for the first
time.
And on the sixth day He created a Triumph....He should have taken a nap.
Noah built the Ark because his MG wouldn't start on a damp day.
"I don't know how to love him" was sung by Mary Magdalene after she found a
mechanic who could balance the carbs on her twelve cylinder Jaguar.
The burning bush was actually an Austin-Healey electrical fire.
It wasn't Christians and lions at the Roman Circus. It was Mini-Coopers and
Bentleys.
The Dark Ages were invented by Lucas.
Cleopatra killed herself after getting the bill to fix her TR7's headlamps.
Which is the most believable: Moses parts the Red Sea or British Leyland
builds a reliable car?
God created man in His image. The Devil gave us Girling hydraulics.
Was it fishes and loaves or Miatas and Yugos?
Rolls and Royce are direct descendants of Romulus and Remus.
St. Jude is the patron saint of all British car owners.
David and Goliath were the forerunners of Jaguar and Ford.
Adam and Eve would have been OK if the serpent hadn't climbed through the
rusted floorboards of their Spitfire.
The Golden Calf was actually the hood ornament of an ancient TVR.
Jonah lived in a whale. We live in the garage.
Gabriel holds the patent on "Clear Hooter" horns.
Which is easier to envision: A camel passing through the eye of a needle or
an English convertible that doesn't leak?
Job was patient, but he never had to order parts for a Lotus.
Lazarus returned from the dead. Is MG about to do the same?
Cain and Abel fought over which one had to drive the MG and which one got to
drive the Triumph.
Mount Ararat was the junkyard of the time.
The dove did not return with an olive branch. It was a grill badge from the
Royal Auto Club.
It turns out that the Dead Sea Scrolls are actually discarded British Leyland
service manuals. The are of little value.
Catalytic converters were once made in the catacombs.
Jim Finn
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