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Friday funnies

To: Healeys <healeys@autox.team.net>
Subject: Friday funnies
From: "P.J.Aeckerlin" <j.aeckerlin@tiscali.nl>
Date: Fri, 29 Jul 2005 13:46:23 +0200
On a flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said  
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be 
turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance 
the appearance of your flight attendants".

On landing, the stewardess said "Please be sure to take all of your 
belongings. If you're going to leave anything behind, please make sure 
it's something we'd like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out 
of this airplane."

"Thank you for flying Sabena. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business 
as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

"Welcome aboard Southwest flight 245 to Miami. To operate your seat 
belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works 
just like every other seat belt, and if you don't know how to operate 
one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will 
descend from the ceiling. Grab the mask and pull it over your face. If 
you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before 
assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one child, 
pick your favorite."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an 
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our 
compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. 
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight 
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

After a very hard landing the flight attendant came on the intercom and 
said: "That was quite a bump, and I know what you all are thinking. I'm 
here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's 
fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.

A flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you 
to please remain seated as captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

After a very hard landing one of the passengers asked: "Did we land, or 
were we shot down?"




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