Oh, this is too rich to pass up! I've had various general purpose,
"universal" one size fits all, pullers: wheel, pulley, boss, hub, etc.,etc
(never tried them for teeth though.. could have experiment on the Spaniel I
suppose) each of which was beautifully packaged in a plastic see through
pouch with enough bits and pieces to portend great pulling success. The
key piece is the adjustable yolk through which the various bolts, hooks,
and wrenchable center piece fit. It looks like some important part of a
chastity belt.
The only thing they ever pulled was the money out of my pocket! I've
inverted them, adapted them by using hex bolt heads instead of the supplied
hooks, even grown a 3rd hand to hold and align them, all to very little
avail. I did learn though that by using them I have developed unbelievable
will power, stubbornness and psych-kinetic powers. Not wanting to believe
that I was so stupid as to buy such an undeniable piece of crap, I have
labored for days on end with these ineffectual tools and, by Jingo,
somehow, the parts in question finally just came apart...but I am sure not
due to the use of the puller.
I am convinced that the puller was a magic vehicle for the sheer force of
my will. Like Moses at the Red Sea, these parts separated because I
COMMANDED THEM to do so! After a successful "pull", I strut about in an an
amazed state, not sure what the H**l finally happened, looking for some
absent onlooker to applaud. Then in a rush of near religious, thriumphal
excitement, I admire the mystical powers of ritual I will call the Oracle
of the Puller, pay homage to the little marvelous tool by keeping it out on
the counter for a while, as deserves such a valuable item. Then, I neatly
put away the worthless thing back into its see-through plastic pouch, and
slip it back into its own special space in my tool chest.
What an Idiot I have been! I am getting up right now and going to the
garage and toss the lot! On second thought...as Lyndon Johnson is quoted
as saying, never pass up an empty urinal... because... you just never know.
TTFN
TCSYD
----------
> From: JOHN HARDY <hardwire@compuserve.com>
> To: (unknown) <BRITISH-CARS-PRE-WAR@autox.team.net>
> Cc: (unknown) <MGS@autox.team.net>
> Subject: Suppository Tools
> Date: Saturday, October 25, 1997 1:21 PM
>
> dear all,
>
> since I started faffing about with cars I have been
suckered
> into buying tools from time to time which are about as much use as a
> chocolate teapot. Upon realising that the said tool will not perform the
> task as described nor any other task I might as well shove up my a**e.
> Hence my title.
>
> I have many happy memories of various instruments fraudulently
described
> as a "breakthrough" or a "pricebuster" or generally the best thing since
> sliced bread. Chief amonst these are Aircraft Snips which I purchased.
> After using them twice they dissassembled themselves into their
constituent
> parts with the bastard size nut rolling under the bench to oblivion.
Then
> the was the air die grinder that refused to operate after one attempt at
> operation. I took it apart when I came across it lying in a corner where
> I'd thrown it and it wasn't even machined inside. In general now I never
> ever buy anything that was apparently made east of Germany. (the steel
> employed in these climes is an alloy of pig iron, coal and various grades
> of dung. animal and human)
>
> I still have a drawer full of clamps that don't, drills that didn't and
> squares that aren't.
>
> Anyone else been suckered???
>
> Yours, as always, JH
>
>
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