Got this explanation of the blues.
Thought y'all could relate....
> >1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
>>
>>2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you
>> stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with
>>the meanest face in town."
>>
>>3 . The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.Then
>> find something that rhymes sort of: "Got a good woman with the
>>meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face
>>in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weighs 500 pound."
>>
>> 4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
>> ditch... ain't no way out.
>>
>> 5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, old Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
>>Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
>> transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet
>>aircraft ain't
>> even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So
>> does fixin' to die.
>>
>> 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults
>>sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get
>>the electric chair if you shot a man in Memphis.
>>
>>7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in
>> Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical
>> depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the
>>best places to
>> have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that doesn't get
>> rain.
>>
>> 8. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting
>>is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot and sit by the dumpster.
>>
>> 9. Good places for the Blues:
>> a. highway
>> b. jailhouse
>> c. empty bed
>> d. bottom of a whiskey glass
>>
>> 10. Bad places for the Blues:
>> a. Nordstrom's
>> b. gallery openings
>> c. Ivy League institutions
>> d. golf courses
>>
>> 11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you
>>happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
>>
>> 12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
>> a. you older than dirt
>> b. you blind
>> c. you shot a man in Memphis
>> d. you can't be satisfied
>> Not, if:
>> a. you have all your teeth
>> b. you were once blind but now can see
>> c. the man in Memphis lived
>> d. you have a 401K or trust fund
>>
>> 13. Blues is not a matter of color, it's a matter of bad luck.
>>Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have.
>>
>> 14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline,
>>it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
>> a. cheap wine
>> b. whiskey or bourbon
>> c. muddy water
>> d. black coffee
>>
>> The following are NOT Blues beverages:
>> a. Perrier
>> b. Chardonnay
>> c. Snapple
>> d. Slim Fast
>> e. Pinot Grigio
>> f. Sour Apple Martini's
>>
>> 15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
>>death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die.
>>So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a
>>broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a
>>tennis match or while getting liposuction.
>>
>> 16. Some Blues names for women:
>> a. Alma
>> b. Big Mama
>> c. Lil' Momma
>> d. Bessie
>> e. Fat River Dumpling
>>
>> 17. Some Blues names for men:
>> a. Joe
>> b. Willie
>> c. Little Willie
>> d. Big Willie
>>
>> 18. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather
>> can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shot in Memphis.
>>
>> 19. Make your own Blues name starter kit:
>> a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
>> b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
>> c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
>>
>> For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi
> >Fillmore, etc.
>> (Well, maybe not "Kiwi, try Peach.")
>>
>> 20. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you cannot
> >sing the blues.
Sing along - y'all know tune...
Took mah broke down Meeeata...
For t' shoot a man in Sheboygan...
Now I'ma sittin' in this Starbucks...
Drinkin' mandarin-orange-smoothies til I die.
(still workin on that last stanza)
--
Scott Paceley
spaceley@uiuc.edu * 217-333-8759 * Champaign, IL
graphic design, photography, digital imaging
/// unsubscribe/change address requests to majordomo@autox.team.net or try
/// http://www.team.net/mailman/listinfo
/// Archives at http://www.team.net/archive/team-thicko
|