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Re: Blues explanation/sing-along

To: "Scott Paceley" <spaceley@uiuc.edu>, <team-thicko@autox.team.net>
Subject: Re: Blues explanation/sing-along
From: "John A. Rollins" <nobozos@ix.netcom.com>
Date: Tue, 29 Oct 2002 06:19:59 -0500
Good information for the most part, though you're leaving out the
Mississippi Delta in the best places to have the blues - Alabama, Georgia,
most of the southern states would do as well.

I'm not sure about the computer owner not being able to have the blues;
seems like someone trying to connect to the web with their Commadore 20
might have a legitimate claim on getting the blues...

Blues come in many shades - Oh, I loves the blues...

Yours,

Asthmatic Mango Fillmore

*8o)

----- Original Message -----
From: "Scott Paceley" <spaceley@uiuc.edu>
To: <team-thicko@autox.team.net>
Cc: <GRMTim@aol.com>
Sent: Friday, October 18, 2002 10:02 AM
Subject: Blues explanation/sing-along


> Got this explanation of the blues.
>
> Thought y'all could relate....
>
>
> >  >1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
> >>
> >>2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you
> >>    stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman,
with
> >>the meanest face in town."
> >>
> >>3 . The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat
it.Then
> >>    find something that rhymes sort of: "Got a good woman with the
> >>meanest face  in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face
> >>in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weighs 500 pound."
> >>
> >>    4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in
a
> >>    ditch... ain't no way out.
> >>
> >>    5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, old Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
> >>Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most
Blues
> >>    transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet
> >>aircraft ain't
> >>    even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues
lifestyle. So
> >>    does fixin' to die.
> >>
> >>    6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.
Adults
> >>sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get
> >>the electric chair if you shot a man in Memphis.
> >>
> >>7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere
in
> >>    Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just
clinical
> >>    depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the
> >>best places to
> >>    have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that doesn't
get
> >>    rain.
> >>
> >>     8. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The
lighting
> >>is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot and sit by the dumpster.
> >>
> >>     9. Good places for the Blues:
> >>     a. highway
> >>     b. jailhouse
> >>     c. empty bed
> >>     d. bottom of a whiskey glass
> >>
> >>    10. Bad places for the Blues:
> >>      a. Nordstrom's
> >>      b. gallery openings
> >>      c. Ivy League institutions
> >>      d. golf courses
> >>
> >>     11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less
you
> >>happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
> >>
> >>     12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
> >>     a. you older than dirt
> >>     b. you blind
> >>     c. you shot a man in Memphis
> >>     d. you can't be satisfied
> >>            Not, if:
> >>     a. you have all your teeth
> >>     b. you were once blind but now can see
> >>     c. the man in Memphis lived
> >>     d. you have a 401K or trust fund
> >>
> >>     13. Blues is not a matter of color, it's a matter of bad luck.
> >>Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have.
> >>
> >>     14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline,
> >>it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
> >>     a. cheap wine
> >>     b. whiskey or bourbon
> >>     c. muddy water
> >>     d. black coffee
> >>
> >>     The following are NOT Blues beverages:
> >>     a. Perrier
> >>     b. Chardonnay
> >>     c. Snapple
> >>     d. Slim Fast
> >>     e. Pinot Grigio
> >>     f. Sour Apple Martini's
> >>
> >>     15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a
Blues
> >>death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to
die.
> >>So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a
> >>broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a
> >>tennis match or while getting liposuction.
> >>
> >>    16. Some Blues names for women:
> >>     a. Alma
> >>     b. Big Mama
> >>     c. Lil' Momma
> >>     d. Bessie
> >>     e. Fat River Dumpling
> >>
> >>     17. Some Blues names for men:
> >>     a. Joe
> >>     b. Willie
> >>     c. Little Willie
> >>     d. Big Willie
> >>
> >>    18. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and
Heather
> >>    can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shot in Memphis.
> >>
> >>    19. Make your own Blues name starter kit:
> >>     a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
> >>      b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,
etc.)
> >>     c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
> >>
> >>     For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple
Kiwi
> >  >Fillmore, etc.
> >>     (Well, maybe not "Kiwi, try Peach.")
> >>
> >>    20. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you
cannot
> >  >sing the blues.
>
>
> Sing along - y'all know tune...
>
>
> Took mah broke down Meeeata...
>
> For t' shoot a man in Sheboygan...
>
> Now I'ma sittin' in this Starbucks...
>
> Drinkin' mandarin-orange-smoothies til I die.
>
> (still workin on that last stanza)
> --
> Scott Paceley
> spaceley@uiuc.edu  * 217-333-8759  *  Champaign, IL
> graphic design, photography, digital imaging

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