triumphs
[Top] [All Lists]

You might be a racer if...... (long)

To: triumphs@Autox.Team.Net
Subject: You might be a racer if...... (long)
From: John Matthews <matthews@sj.bigger.net>
Date: Wed, 16 Jul 1997 16:24:32 -0700
Organization: Serena Industries Inc. http://www.moonglowmall.com
Listers,

Got this off the AUTORACE listserv.
Just thought I'd share it with the racers here.
Appologies to the rest.

Cheers,

John

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

>You might be a racer if....
>
>-- You know how to properly pronounce "Ligier".
>
>-- You walk proper lines through the grocery store.
>
>-- You've ever had to explain the term "pucker factor".
>
>-- You've been known to yell "It means 'check your mirrors'
>   dammit!" at your television.
>
>-- You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without complaining.
>
>-- You bought a race car before buying a house.
>
>-- You bought a race car before buying furniture for the new
>   house.
>
>-- You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the
>   spares.
>
>-- You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought
>   furniture!
>
>-- You find that you need a new house because you've outgrown
>   your garage and the neighbors are threatening violence if you
>   park one more vehicle on the street or in the front yard.
>
>-- The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in
>   order of importance):
>   1) 8 car climate controlled garage with an attached shop.
>   2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a crew cab dully,
>      a 28'enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th wheel.
>   3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder.
>   4) A gease pit.
>   5) Convenient to a hazardous waste disposal site.
>   6) Deaf neighbors.
>   7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
>   8) Some sort of house with a working toilet on the property
>      somewhere
>     -or-
>      hookups  for the motorhome.
>
>-- You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of
>   race tires that could have been purchased.
>
>-- "You know well that Orthodontic work is the equivalent of
>   three sets of tires"
>
>-- You hear "overcooked it" and think "off the track" instead of
>   "Luby's".
>
>-- You sit in your race car in a dark garage and make car noises
>   and shift and practice your heal and toe, while waiting for
>   your motor to get back from the machine shop.
>
>-- You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.
>
>-- Your wife says, "If you buy another set of tires, I'm
>   getting a new mink."
>
>-- If you can lose five pounds in a July afternoon while eating
>   chili dogs.
>
>-- Your children are named after famous race car drivers (and
>   one or more of them were conceived at a race track).
>
>-- your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
>
>-- you're tired of people asking how fast your car is and
>   expecting to hear the top speed in MPH, not a lap time at
>   some local track.
>
>-- you have an immaculate car which you drive one day a week,
>   and the vehicle that gets you around the other 6 days is
>   rusted, covered with duct tape, and has a pair of Vise
>   Grips holding the clutch cable together.  You promise
>   yourself you'll fix it right after this season, or when you
>   need your Vise Grips for something else.
>
>-- you have enough spare parts to build another car
>
>-- more than one racer supply house recognizes your voice and
>   greets you by name when you call
>
>-- you have car parts in your cubicle at work
>
>-- the guys at the local tire store laugh when you come in
>
>-- your grandmother is shocked to find you have a pair of
>   jammies that cost $400 and the seat doesn't even drop down
>
>-- You think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner is:
>   "Racers, start your engines!"
>
>-- If you can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and
>   rested on weekends."
>
>-- You're registered for wedding gifts at Pegasus and Racer
>   Wholesale.
>
>-- Your Christmas list begins with a Webster gearbox and Carrillo
>   rods (and your 'significant other' knows what these are).
>
>-- After your answer to "How was your weekend?" the next question
>   is always: "And you do this for fun? Right?"
>
>-- You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
>
>-- You've ever repaired your lawn mower with AN hardware.
>
>-- Your lawn mower has a fuel cell.
>
> Questionable taste...but true:
>-- A new racing catalog arrives in the mail and you disappear to
>   the bathroom for hours.
>
>-- Your reading material in your bathroom consists of auto parts
>   and racing supply catalogs, several books written by famous
>   drivers, every book Caroll Smith has ever written.... and 400 car
>   magazines, none of which have centerolds.
>
>-- People know you by your class letter, car number, and car color.
>
>-- People know you by your "off"s.
>   "Oh, you are the one stuck in the mud at Lime Rock last
>    weekend!"
>
>-- your first date involves asking her to crew for you.
>
>-- your criteria for selecting a significant other include auto
>   repair skills.  Air tools optional.
>
>-- your friends don't recognize you without a helmet and
>   driver's suit.
>
>-- your family remembers your hair color as "grease".
>
>-- you plan your wedding around the race schedule.
>
>-- you astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped
>   breaker bar every other week or so.
>
>-- you remember the dates and details of every race you've ever
>   been in, but can't remember your phone number.
>
>-- your family brings the couch into the garage so they can
>   spend some time with you.
>
>-- You know you might be a racer when crawling around in the
>   muck wrenching on your own car is _much_ more appealing than
>   reclining on the sofa, watching the pretty cars go around on TV
>   with a beer in your hand...
>
>-- (you might be a Corner Worker if...)
>   you pick up the phone and say, "Control this is...."
>
>-- you complain when cars in front of you on highway off-ramps
>   don't stay on the line, causing your exit speed to drop.
>
>-- a neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you query,
>   "Synthetic or organic?" and they reply, "Vegetable or corn."
>
>-- a neighbor asks to borrow some brushes, you hand them brushes
>   for a generator/alternator and they give you a funny look.
>
>-- you tell a friend you need to clean up the head this weekend
>   and they think you mean the toilet.
>
>-- you give out [your favorite racing catalog here]'s number
>   when a friend asks for the best hardware store.
>
>-- You refer to the corner down the street from your house as
>   "Turn One."
>
>-- You look at the fire hydrant at that corner and see an apex
>   marker.
>
>-- You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work (or school).
>
>-- You always late apex the intersection and try to pass few
>   cars coming out.
>
>-- Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line through
>   the turn (not neccessary going fast).
>
>-- You always do a toe & heel down shift while whoever might be
>   your passenger gives you a real funny look.
>
>-- You buy real cheap tires for your street car, so you can save
>   $$$ for the real (race) tires.
>
>-- You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive. Of course,
>   you are the best.
>
>-- You can't stand understeer.
>
>-- You always want to change something in your street car to
>   make it handle better.
>
>-- You will galdly pay up to $6 for a bottle of engine oil.
>
>-- You hate long distance driving, but you will gladly drive 800
>   miles to the race track.
>
>-- You memorized the menu at Denny's.
>
>-- You buy Gatorade by box.
>
>-- You think that traction control and ABS are for those who
>   can't drive.
>
>-- You've ever tried to convince your wife you needed that flow
>   bench to fix the air filter on her station wagon.
>
>-- You save broken car parts as " momentous".
>
>-- Your last several freeway forays included just brushing the
>   curbs as you apexed the on-ramps perfectly....
>
>-- you've found your lawnmower runs pretty good on 108 octane
>   gas (but doesn't particularly care for alcohol)
>
>-- when your friends who smoke come over you've got these
>   really unusual ash trays for them to use (made by J&E
>   and ROSS)
>
>-- you've got 3 immaculate race cars always race ready, but your
>   wife has to nag you for 2 months before you fix the headlight in
>   her car
>
>-- your "daily driver" is continuously being mistaken for an
>   abandoned car as you haven't taken the time to wash it in
>   over a year
>


<Prev in Thread] Current Thread [Next in Thread>