As much animosity as women have for the time we spend
tinkering with our automotive toys (and not doing the
things we're supposed to be fixing or spending time
with them), their lamentations would be more verbal if
they knew how we raid thier stashes of 'restoration
supplies'. The inquisitive statement "have you seen
my...?" is uttered almost daily by the women in our
lives which is either met by silence or a heartfelt "I
have no idea" by most of us.
Below is a list of some of the items that can be found
in the purses, vanitys and junk drawers of almost any
women. But eventually they find their way into our
tool-boxes. These are the items in "The Married Man's
Tool Kit".
Points restorers (aka emory board), almost any female
will have an assortment of these thin stiff cardboard
emory boards. They're the perfect grit, rigidity and
thinness (to fit between your points contacts without
bending the spring out of shape). Used correctly to
file down the build-up and pitting on the points
surfaces, they can save you valuable cha'ching in
replacing the points. You should be able to use these
and return them without the little lady finding out.
But somehow they always seem to know.
Emergency fan/alternator belt (aka panty hose). As
strange as it may sound, with the loss of a V-belt on
your car, you are not out of luck if you are supplied
with a pair of panty-hose and a boyscout knowledge of
knot tying. The nylons are durable (usually runs occur
verticaly) and can be tied to fit most sized V-belt
applications to allow you to limp to the nearest
garage or parts place. Note that the leg portion is
all that is required, the 'panty' and any excess
should be discarded so as not to get tangled in the
pulleys. Also, the plying of alcohol or suave lines
may be required to extricate the "replacement belt"
from the wearer.
Wax pencil (lip stick) Oh if they only knew that we
were stealing these. Black surfaces seem to abound on
your car. The numerous sharpies and marks-a-lot
markers you have are useless for highlighting your
timing and hash markings. Ah! But the reflective
nature of lip
sticks makes them perfect for alignment marks on black
rubber, vinyl & matte surfaces. And a fringe benefit
is that certain shades can compliment your car's
headlights. Oooh - sexy.
Adhesive remover (nail polish remover) Now, the rest
you may not have used, but I know that there isn't a
man in the world that hasn't stolen a bottle of
acetone to remove adhesive residue or extreneous over
gluing from a part. Our restoration parts are strewn
with "made in Great Britain" stickers and part
numbers, which need to be removed and cleaned. WD-40
does an okay job, if you use the whole can. But the
nail polish remover removes labels with just a wipe.
They'll hardly even miss the bottle (Try to get them
to buy the unscented kind when they go to replace it).
Touch-up paint (Nail polish) This is pretty obvious,
but sometimes the most obvious things elude us. Women
often have dozens of colors and opacities of touch-up
paint...er nail polish. If your car is a shade of RED,
you are almost gaurenteed a selection of pigments to
choose from and mix for that perfect color match. Odds
are it will just sit in her make-up drawer/ cosmetics
cabinet until it solidifies from non-use anyhow, so
why not get some use out of it? If you don't want to
give people the wrong impression by buying nail polish
at the drug store and you're not the type to be
burdened by a little deceit; the next time you're
shopping together conveniently strole past the
cosmetics section and "suggest" a particular color
(which just happens to be the shade you need). The
first time she wears it, give a disapproving comment,
and she will be gaurenteed to never wear it again (or
miss it when you've used it all on the scratches on
your car's bonnet)!
This of course is just the tip of a veritable iceberg.
The next time your significant other leaves her purse
or pocket book on the table unattended, take a browse
through it and see what other items would go well in
your tool box!
-Terry
(And my parents wonder why I'm still single.)
Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices
http://auctions.yahoo.com/
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