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Re: CONSPIRACY OR LOST IN SPACE ?

To: land-speed@autox.team.net
Subject: Re: CONSPIRACY OR LOST IN SPACE ?
From: IfixMGs@aol.com
Date: Tue, 1 Aug 2000 10:18:23 EDT
Joe,
      I feel for you.  I restore and sell recond parts for Little British 
Cars for a living, and  rely on UPS/USPS for my parts lifeline. A disgruntled 
doc once told me that if he has a package that "Absolutely, positively" has 
to be there, such as a heart and lung to go into his own body,  he would 
rather rely on his spiteful and drunken ex-mother in law than the UPS fort he 
organ donor delivery .  I actually have better luck with the post office than 
with UPS because the PO delivers on Saturday and Sunday; UPS doesn't arrive 
until 4:30pm which can kill an otherwise perfectly good Monday.... 
      My worst experience? I sent a very expensive, freshly smoked vacuum 
packed  turkey to my parents via the old 2 day UPS for Thanksgiving. Eighty 
miles.  This was "Pre-tracking/pre overnight" era. It was a no-show.  They 
agreed to  pay me for the insured value. Around Christmas, the package turned 
up on my parent's doorstep. The box was crushed and there was  a hole in the  
vacuum wrapper. How anyone could have stood the smell is beyond me....
       However, another obviously content  employee I know says  UPS is 
on-time 99.99% of the time. They must be somewhere in-between.    A little 
math lesson, perfesser....
        UPS ships 300,000,000 packages between Thanksgiving and Christmas 
(peak season for getting the hot rod back together....) If 299,997,000 
packages were delivered on time,  then 3000 fell thru the cracks and didn't 
make it ON-TIME.  That's because they were shipped to desolate places like 
Dallas and Chicago and New York City. So, if 99.99% of the remaining 3000 
eventually make it to their actual destinations,  the remaining 3 completely 
undeliverable, yet plainly addressed  and wholly unreplaceable at any cost,  
yet somehow uninsured packages get shipped to the UPS's Black Hole Division 
which is located in beautiful downtown Bountiful, Utah, just a short drive 
from nowhere where they sit until the middle of August....  and are finally 
tracked down via www.oops.com...
               ....on the phone, a dutiful employee:
    "Hello, UPS Black Hole. Oh, I'm sorry, sir, we only have three packages 
here. Oh golly, they ARE yours! Well, gosh,  figure the odds.... Oh, I'm so 
sorry again, sir, but gosh darn it, we close down this afternoon for 
Speedweek. We all go down to Salt Lake City and sell Mormon Meteor Tee Shirts 
to the tourists.   We'd be more than happy to send them right off. The 
packages, sir, not the Tee Shirts. The shirts are fourteen ninety five, plus 
tax and UPS shipping and are high quality one hundred percent cotton. Oh, I'm 
sorry. You mean your packages.... Sure. They're headed your way as we speak.  
Oh, by the way, since we're out here in no-man's land, shipping time can be 
as long as 3 weeks. WE get everything in and out by way of the Post Office. 
Takes a day or two less.   You should be getting it a couple days after this 
Speedweek nonsense is over.... Have a pleasant day, sir...."
      Mark Childers   Union Jack Spares & Repairs Virginia Beach Virginia

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