Oh, man, that was too funny. Nearly blew my drink through
my nose! Thanks for the laugh.
Dale C. :-)
i felt hot rodders were pretty high on the food chain, but
stuff like this is all to common for me.
henry
> Subject: What I learned today...
>
> Hi guys,
>
> Last weekend I spent two days wrestling with my
> GT-350 replica, which you may
> recall is now running after a one-year period of
> dormancy while the motor was
> in pieces. While dealing with some subsequent
> problems, I learned some
> lessons that can all be directly applied to
working
> on our cars.
>
> * Upon startup of a new engine, if you hear a
> distinctive tic-tic-tic sound
> from your header-to-cylinder head junction, you
will
> be told by all your
> friends that it is an exhaust leak caused by using
> the cheap manifold gaskets
> which come as part of the entire engine-overhaul
> gasket set, and you should
> have opted for high-quality $35 Fel-Pro header
> gaskets instead. The only
> solution is to remove and replace the lame gasket
> with a quality unit.
>
> * The header bolts which didn_t allow enough
> clearance to get a wrench or
> socket on them when you were installing them,
> haven_t shrunk any, so removing
> the eight bolts will take an hour.
>
> * Your hopes of simply backing the header away
from
> the head, slipping the
> two-week-old, cheap gasket out and installing the
> new, $35 gasket will be
> dashed when you realize the existing gasket has
> adhesed itself firmly to the
> head. It will need to be scraped off.
>
> * Immediately after commencing the scraping
> activities, you will be struck
> with both a revelation and a recollection. The
> revelation is that the
> header-to-fenderwell interference won_t allow you
> enough clearance to scrape
> the entire gasket, so the header will have to
> completely come off the car.
> The recollection will be that you were smart
enough
> to trash the cheap gasket
> that came with the engine rebuilder kit, and the
$35
> Mr. Gasket like-new
> gasket you forgot you had installed, and have now
> just destroyed, is of
> similar quality to the new $35 Fel-Pro gasket you
> bought to replace it.
>
> * Spray-on gasket remover is highly effective
> stuff, but it is also highly
> democratic in its application. In this instance,
it
> will make no
> differentiation whatsoever between the like-new
$35
> gasket you_re trying to
> remove, and the new Ford blue engine paint you_re
> not trying to remove-both
> will fall away from the motor in equal amounts.
>
> * In order to remove the header so you can scrape
> the gasket, you will have
> to disconnect it from the collector. The
collector
> bolts which were too long
> when you installed them have, like the header
bolts,
> failed to shrink any in
> the ensuing two weeks, and the mechanical locking
> nuts (stove nuts) have, if
> anything, increased their tenacious grip upon the
> too-long bolts.
> Furthermore, the inadequate clearance to swing a
> wrench hasn_t grown any
> either, meaning that you will be able to turn the
> nut about 1/32nd of a
> revolution before the wrench strikes something
> solid, and needs to be removed
> and flipped around for another swing. The upshot
is
> that it will take about
> 15-20 minutes to remove each bolt.
>
> * After the header is finally removed, while
lying
> underneath the car and
> scraping the gasket, when a piece of
> gasket-remover-laden gasket falls onto
> your forehead, you will instantly determine that
the
> democratic nature of the
> gasket remover extends to human flesh as well, and
> the forehead is
> particularly sensitive to extremely caustic
> chemicals.
>
> * When extremely caustic chemicals are suddenly
> applied to a large section
> of your forehead, the result is an instant and
> involuntary muscle contraction
> in the torso, causing you to suddenly sit up,
> normally about 24 inches or so.
>
> * The average Mustang chassis, when raised on
> jackstands, is approximately
> 22 inches off the garage floor.
>
> * The sudden and violent application of 2900
pounds
> of steel to a burning
> forehead does not, surprisingly, lessen the effect
> of the extremely caustic
> chemical reaction taking place, but instead
augments
> the pain with a deep
> pounding inside the skull as your brain takes a
good
> shellacking from the
> inside.
>
> * When it comes time to open the exhaust gasket
> package, the expeditious way
> is to use a screwdriver to make a small tear in
the
> plastic, then run your
> finger along the underside of the gasket, neatly
> opening up the package from
> one end to the other.
>
> * Exhaust gaskets are made of various layers of
> fibers and steel, and as
> you_re opening the package, an exposed and sharp
> steel wire will neatly open
> up your finger from one end to the other.
>
> * 1966 Mustang Red and Human Blood Red are
> remarkably alike when the blood
> is wet and liberally sprayed across the top of the
> fender. However, when it
> dries it darkens considerably and thus can_t be
used
> as touch-up paint as you
> had perhaps hoped.
>
> * Gasket remover is remarkably resilient stuff,
and
> although you took great
> pains to wipe down the cylinder head with lacquer
> thinner before installing
> your new gasket, the forgotten gasket remover
still
> coating the flange of the
> header will immediately go to work the minute the
> header is placed against
> the gasket. Fortunately the gasket makers are
> thoughtful enough to include a
> pair of gaskets in each package for just such
> contingencies.
>
> * As you are holding the gasket-remover-soaked
> header in your hand and
> removing your now-ruined new gasket, you will feel
> that the skin on your
> fingers isn_t nearly as sensitive to the effects
of
> extremely caustic
> chemicals as the skin on your forehead. However,
> when you have sliced your
> finger open and the gasket remover gets in the
open
> wound, the effect is much
> the same.
>
> * Once the second new gasket is in place, the
> header bolts and
> header-to-collector bolts will be just as
difficult
> to install as they were
> to remove, as they were to install the first time,
> as they were to remove the
> first time.
>
> But the final, and undoubtedly the most important
> lesson learned from this
> two-day exercise is this:
>
> * A clever engine-building trick is to loosely
> install the spark plugs on a
> new motor; if the head gasket leaks into the
> cylinders, this will allow the
> water to leak and spray past the threads on
startup
> instead of potentially
> blowing up the motor with hydrostatic lock.
> However, if the engine builder
> then forgets to tighten the plugs once the engine
> has successfully started,
> then exhaust gasses may leak past the threads,
> making a distinctive
> tic-tic-tic sound from the neighborhood of your
> header-to-cylinder head
> junction. You will be told by all your friends
that
> it is an exhaust leak
> caused by using the cheap manifold gaskets which
> come as part of the entire
> engine-overhaul gasket set, and you should have
> opted for high-quality $35
> Fel-Pro header gaskets instead, and you will spend
> the next two days removing
> and replacing a perfectly good exhaust gasket when
> all you had to do was
> simply tighten the spark plugs!
>
> Sigh.....
>
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